Voices

What’s that chatter going on inside your head? As minister’s wives, we are subject to many voices – they can be good or bad, helpful or hurtful, replenishing or depleting.   An excerpt from Lysa Terkeurst’s book Unglued says it best. “Negative inside chatter – those misguided thoughts that can easily turn into perceptions that then all too easily turn into dangerous realities. And realities based on runaway feeling rather than truth always lead to one thing – INSECURITY.”

What voices do you listen to? I recently did a thorough purging of my pantry. By the time I was finished and dragging my bag of shame to the curb for trash pickup, the voices inside my head were screaming, “You should be ashamed of yourself! How could you let good food go to waste when there are children starving around the world AND locally? If you just did a better job at meal planning this wouldn’t happen. You’re a terrible example for your daughters-in-law. What if the girls in your neighborhood Bible study see you dragging all this trash to the curb? How could you let this happen?”

Granted, there are many things worse than having expired food items in our pantries (let me be quick to say I’m determined to do better in this area!), but the “voices of shame” shouted loudly to me that day, making me feel like an inadequate failure.

When we as minister’s wives have negative voices creep in, we have two choices to make: believe the lies or live in the truth about what the Father thinks of us.

In ministry life, the voices that come to us must be filtered and sifted through God’s Word. From what we wear – to what we drive – to what we do in the church – to how our kids act. You and your family may be the topic of conversation of many. We should exercise discipline and refrain from behavior that asks for criticism, while keeping our eyes and focus on HIM and HIS personal calling for ultimate accountability.

Lysa Terkeurst says it well in Unglued.

“We are to park our minds on constructive thoughts, not destructive thoughts. . . thoughts that breathe life into us, not suck life from us.”

There are three questions Lysa suggests we can use to discipline our runaway thoughts, those “voices” we hear in our heads:

1.  “Did someone actually say this or am I making assumptions about what they’re thinking?”

We aren’t on other people’s minds nearly as much as we might think we are. Instead of allowing our thoughts to overtake us, whether in assumptions or despair, we can ask God to shine His truth into each situation. Philippians 4:6 invites us to choose prayer over worry in every situation. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”   

2. “Am I actively immersing myself in truth?”

Philippians 4:7 tells us that “the peace of God, which transcends all understanding would guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” We must be women of the Word, or the negative voices inside our heads will eat us up!

3. “Are there situations or relationships that feed my insecurities?”

Whose approval are you seeking? Learn to discern. We cannot please everyone all of the time. Be honest before God and find security in Him alone and not in others. Overcome negative voices by remembering what God says about you. Philippians 4:8 is a place to park our minds:

Learning to deal with the negative voices in our lives – whether real or imagined – can lead us to freedom. What is truth? It never hurts to take a deep introspective look at our own hearts – laying them bare before the Lord. Asking God to help us discern the areas we need to give attention to and the areas we need to flush, is a good ongoing practice for all of us. This holds true not only in dealing with peripheral people in our lives (church members, extended family, other women), but our immediate families as well.

What are some ways you deal with the negative voices in your lives personally and in the church? I would love to hear your feedback!

Love and prayers for less chatter, Jeana

Jeana Floyd is a wife, mother, grandmother, pastor’s wife, and breast cancer survivor.  She has served alongside her husband, Dr. Ronnie Floyd, in ministry for over 37 years.  They have served at Cross Church in Northwest Arkansas for 27 years.  She is the author of “10 Things Every Pastor’s Wife Needs to Know” and “An Uninvited Guest.