Part Two – Confessions of an Overfunctioning Ministry Wife

Geri Scazzero, a pastor’s wife, speaker, and author of The Emotionally Healthy Woman, shares her wisdom, “We over function when we do for others what they can and should do for themselves.”

We are busy women, and we are going to be busy. Ministry isn’t for the faint of heart. Most ministry wives believe they are precisely where God has called them. They are weary, and many are wounded, but they know God has called them and their husbands to this work. This sense of divine calling keeps them going, even in the face of weariness and wounds.

A ministry wife who over functions has done so to serve alongside her husband and to encourage and help others. She overfunctions so that others can be free to do what they have been called to do. She works for the job to be done right. She might overfunction at the expectation of her husband. He needs her to fill in the gaps, and she is all too willing to step in. At least, this is how it starts out. 

Consider Martha and Mary; we can presume that Martha was not lazy. She ran an orderly house and was an excellent hostess. In Luke 10, we find that Martha has invited Jesus into her home. Mary didn’t extend the invite. Martha did. Martha was busy because running a home and entertaining guests took work. Martha might have stopped communicating her need for help with her sister before Jesus arrived. Perhaps it was simply the presence of our Savior that drew Mary to sit at his feet. Either way, Mary was free to do what she wanted, and as long as Martha took care of the bigger picture, she could sit at Jesus’s feet and soak in the best news yet. The problem came when Martha began to resent her sister for sitting at the feet of Jesus and not “SEEING” all the work needed to be done without being told! I mean, didn’t Mary see the work around her? Hadn’t she lived with Martha long enough to know what it took to pull off entertaining someone like Jesus? Do you see the progression and an attitude? If you read the question Martha asked Jesus in Luke 10 verse forty, you can hear the weariness and the attitude of frustration and perhaps a bit of bitterness or resentment. Have you been there?

I need you to examine some symptoms of an overfunctioning ministry wife. Remember, this list is not exhaustive and doesn’t fit everyone. However, it will help you assess where you might be cognitively, physically, and emotionally, leading to the Spiritual symptoms I wrote about last time.

These might apply to you if you are a ministry wife living in an overfunctioning state.

Cognitive Symptoms

1. Difficulty Concentrating: Trouble focusing on tasks or making decisions due to mental overload.
2. Negative Thinking: Pervasive negative thoughts about oneself or the effectiveness of one’s work.
3. Forgetfulness: Memory issues and forgetting important details or appointments.
4. Perfectionism: Setting excessively high standards for oneself and feeling stressed when they are unmet.

Physical Symptoms

1. Chronic Fatigue: Persistent tiredness that doesn’t improve with rest.
2. Insomnia: Difficulty falling or staying asleep due to stress and overthinking.
3. Frequent Illness: Increased susceptibility to colds, flu, and other illnesses due to a weakened immune system.
4. Headaches and Muscle Tension: Physical manifestations of stress, such as tension headaches or tight muscles.

Emotional Symptoms

1. Irritability and Anger: Increased sensitivity and quickness to anger or frustration.
2. Anxiety and Worry: Constant feeling of being overwhelmed and anxious about meeting responsibilities.
3. Depression: Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or a lack of enjoyment in activities previously found fulfilling.
4. Emotional Exhaustion: Feeling emotionally drained and unable to cope with daily challenges.

Finally, all of the above symptoms will lead to the Spiritual symptoms (we mentioned in our last post) listed below:

Spiritual Symptoms

1. Spiritual Dryness: Feeling disconnected from God and lacking spiritual fulfillment.
2. Neglect of Personal Devotion: Skipping personal prayer, meditation, or Bible study due to time pressures.
3. Loss of Passion—burnout: Decreased enthusiasm for intimacy with your Lord, family, and ministry work, resulting in emotional and spiritual disconnection in all areas.

Your Abba is waiting for you, so assess your situation to, stop what you are doing, and hear the Lord say, 

41 The Lord told her, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it and will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42 NLT)

I have some suggestions and will share them with you next time. I’m cheering you on and praying for us to be the women God has called us to become!