Confessions of an Overfunctioning Ministry Wife
One summer, I felt I couldn’t do it anymore. I kept this information to myself – after all, I was leading retreats for ministry wives who needed a rest, and we offered them the retreats to do just that – refresh. For me, the wall I was hitting was everything. I was still recovering from a broken ankle. The recovery included infection and more surgery, and complete healing was still a distant reality. Fundraising for a non-profit is not for sissies; it’s constant and a necessity. My family was struggling and not where I wanted it to be. (catch the pronoun) And truthfully, I was fighting weariness in my spiritual life. And yet, God was faithful through all of this time, and frankly, the conclusion and the reality I was over-functioning and had been for a very long time.
A new young friend (a mighty woman of prayer) observed me in a ministry situation and asked if she could speak to me. Of course, I replied. She took a deep breath and said, “Mrs. Diane, I believe the Lord would have you be still.” I responded, “Thank you. – I receive this.” Then I said to myself and the Lord, “Okay then – how do I do that? How do I just sit down and let it all happen or fall apart?”
I knew she was speaking out of love and was correct, so I pulled myself back and got very quiet. I began to reflect on many things, and God gently revealed my heart—oh, wow!!
Women have overfunctioned since the dawn of time, overfunctioning for generations to keep the house running smoothly and the family a tight unit. Truthfully, too often, the church cheers us on when we take on more and more responsibility. After all, aren’t ministry wives their husbands’ help mates?
It’s not necessarily the busyness of life itself—it’s the reality of never stopping to take a breath or clear the space so that we can hear or adjust our attitudes to align with God’s will, to readjust and refresh our spirits to allow the Spirit to speak clearly.
As busy ministry wives, we must clear the space and get God’s perspective on our lives. (Personal and ministerial).
The over-functioning woman at her wit’s end will most likely be the last person to admit or acknowledge she is guilty of over-functioning.
Overfunctioning, particularly in a ministry context, involves too many responsibilities, often leading to stress and burnout. It typically stems from a desire to meet high expectations or a reluctance to delegate. Recognizing the symptoms of over-functioning is crucial for maintaining a healthy spiritual life and preventing negative consequences.
The story of Martha and Mary is just one example of a woman over functioning. (Luke 10:38-42 NLT) Jesus, in response to Martha, said these words, “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! 42 There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.” I am certain that I can hear the screams of all the “Marthas” reading this!
So hear me out, and let’s discuss what “over-functioning women” need to do to adjust our lives and become more Christ-like in our busy ministry lives.
Let’s address some causes and then begin to address the symptoms of what it looks like to overfunction. The lists are not exhaustive but a beginning of what might cause a woman in ministry (or any woman) to overfunction.
Root Causes
- Unmet expectations – Self, spouse, others.
- Self-inflicted – identity – “I need to work harder to belong.”
- Shame
- Feelings of inadequacy.
- Trauma of any kind.
- Taking on responsibilities that are not yours to take.
- Legalism – control – my way – a certain way.
- Spousal – We have to do what it takes!
- New to ministry or a new ministry position.
- Situational.
Spiritual Symptoms
- Spiritual Dryness – Feeling disconnected from God and lacking spiritual fulfillment.
- Neglect of Personal Devotion – Skipping personal prayer, meditation, or Bible study due to time pressures.
- Loss of Passion—burnout.
- Decreased enthusiasm for intimacy with your Lord, family, and ministry work, resulting in emotional and spiritual disconnection in all areas.
When we, as ministry wives, identify the root cause of our over-functioning and the resulting spiritual outcome, we can begin to understand and deal with the emotional and physical manifestations. Stay with me for the next couple of weeks as we unpack more about over-functioning and our best response to our busy lives.
