Parenting Through Seasons of Inevitable Adversity
Inevitable adversity. In our current day world filled with all of the twenty-first-century comforts, instant gratification, and entitlement, it seems that adversity has no place. We long to control every aspect of our lives and rush to fix things when difficulty comes storming in. We can’t easily avoid conflict, suffering, and affliction in any part of life, but we carry these inescapable trials so much heavier for our children than we do for ourselves.
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In light of this heaviness, how do we parent our children well when there is unavoidable hardship? We know that it will come for them at some point in our eighteen (maybe plus) years of having them under our care. Whether in the form of bullying, social isolation, strained relationships, loss filled with great disappointments, academic struggles, failure to meet expectations, or suffering the consequences of their sin or the sin of someone close to them, no child is immune to walking through difficulty.
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After walking through our pain and disappointment due to a family crisis that shattered our children’s lives, the Lord has taught me some undeniable truths that have helped me lead my children well.
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The ways our children navigate their trials fall heavily
on our wisdom and example as parents.
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Allow Them to Sit in Their Pain
As parents, our natural inclination is to immediately rescue our kids from pain and darkness to ease their suffering. As one of my husband’s counselors suggested during our own dark time, perhaps God wants us to sit in our pain and despair and soak in Jesus’ presence and teaching? We learn things in those places of exile we can’t discover in our safety and comfort. In great darkness, God can reveal so much more of His light.
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But don’t allow them to stay there. Always be ready, in His time, to redirect your child to God’s faithfulness and the fullness of His unchanging character. Help them give a defense to themselves for the hope that lies within them, our eternal hope of Jesus with a day to come of no more suffering or pain.
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Trust Them in Their Pain
Give your children room to ask the hard questions. Show patience when they need to express their anger over unfair circumstances. Give them time to grieve the losses. My sixteen-year-old shared with me recently that she sometimes wishes I would just let her be sad for a while without so quickly redirecting her to the faithfulness of God. I learned so much from her opening her heart to share this with me and made a mental note to be sure she has time to process her pain without too quickly moving past her hurt. We must validate and not negate the pain of others.
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Model Brokenness and Dependence in Your Own Pain
Our children many times learn best from imitation. If you are like me, you can cringe to see the ways your kids have taken on your mannerisms, speech, and habits. Their learning from us is no different in times of suffering. As we respond to suffering in front of them, they learn how to suffer themselves. We can’t be afraid to be broken.
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I realize this is contrary to what the world demands. We should be whole and close to perfection. Right? When things are perfect and good in life, we only have to depend on ourselves. But a life of perfection where happiness abounds isn’t reality. Let them see you cry as we see modeled so many times in the Psalms. Allow them to see you wrestle through your emotions while trusting the One who catches every tear.
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Pain and suffering, when endured well with godliness and wisdom from the Father, will better equip your children for the plan that the Lord has already set in place for their lives and His glory. We gain validity when we have the scars to authenticate our experience. Second Corinthians 1:3-4 explains, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”
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Are you struggling to walk your kids through hard days well? I will close with a verse that has walked me through the most torrential days of my life. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, trust God for who He has always been and always will be. He has gone before you and will show you the way, even in the most challenging days of raising arrows!
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“Though the Lord gave you adversity for food and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, ‘This is the way you should go,’ whether to the right or to the left.”
Isaiah 30:20-21
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Lenora GraysonIn her free time, she enjoys traveling with family, running, and reading. Lenora graduated from the University of Mississippi Medical Center with a Doctor of Physical Therapy and enjoys working with the senior adults a few days a week. She delights to be called Mommy by Annlee, Deuce, and Asher.
Powerful truths! The Scriptures cited are a reminder that He that is in me is greater than he that is in the world. A familiar sermon in a sentence that I personally call to mind is “The God Who is is enough”! Thank you for such wisdom in sharing His wisdom.