Six Keys to Raising Godly Pastor’s Kids
As a pastor’s kid who grew up to marry a music minister, I am often asked what it has been like to grow up in a full-time, vocational, ministry family. Many people have asked me what my parents did to produce four children who love the Lord and have all married spouses who love the Lord. My answer is always this—I knew what my parents had in their relationships with the Lord was real.
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What did that look like in my home, and how have I sought to carry this idea into my own home? While I am still learning daily and struggling through things as a parent, spouse, and believer, I want to share several things I believe are essential as we seek to raise genuine Christ-followers.
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Elevate God’s Word in your personal life and home life.
Growing up, my parents faithfully spent time in God’s Word and continuously pointed us to scripture. While reading the Word together was wonderful, I especially appreciate how it was incorporated into our daily lives and applied to specific situations. We’d explore questions like, what does God’s Word have to say to us about this issue? Where have we seen a similar situation play out in scripture, and what were the results? What do we learn about God from what we have read? How can we apply these truths to our lives right now? These questions make God’s Word more accessible and prove that it is relevant to our daily lives!
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Hold one another to God’s standards, but avoid legalism. Let grace and forgiveness permeate your home.
My parents taught us how to behave, but they were also a safe place for us whenever we made mistakes or fell into sin. They modeled repentance when they made their own mistakes along the way. While I knew what they expected of me and that there would be consequences for my choices, they always met me with hugs, understanding, loving guidance, and second (and third and fourth) chances.
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Legalism comes from fear and perfectionism. Legalism pushes people away from faith because we can’t possibly live up to the standards it sets. But kindness, love, grace, and forgiveness draw us closer to one another as well as God Himself. It better displays the gospel to which we cling. It brings freedom and life rather than chains.
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Make prayer a central part of your family life.
Prayer was the first resort in my family in every situation. Hearing my parents pray and praying together as a family was as common as eating meals daily. It was a tangible expression of our dependence upon God for every single need we had. It was not a last resort. It was a priority! I’ve heard it said that the power of God in our lives is directly related to our prayer lives, and I believe it! I’ve experienced too many answers to prayer in my family and my personal life to doubt the Lord. Even when he answers differently than I might hope, I know I can trust Him, and He is good. I believe a significant reason my siblings and I love Jesus today is because of my parents’ prayers.
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Develop a culture of service and giving as a family.
It’s so easy to become self-absorbed in our American culture. Even in our churches, we can tend to stay in our safe bubbles. However, by creating a culture of service within the church and within our communities, we will raise a generation that loves others well and pursues being salt and light in the world around them.
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My parents took us on mission trips at young ages, which tangibly open our eyes to the world around us. I desire to do the same with my kids. Service and giving take our eyes off of ourselves and our circumstances, giving us a sense of meaning and partnership with the Lord in His mission.
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Prioritize family time, and carve out intentional opportunities to have fun together.
As ministry families, it can be easy to put the needs of church members or community members ahead of our families to the point that it can become detrimental. While I spent plenty of Sundays waiting longer to eat lunch than I would have liked because my parents took time to talk and pray with church members, they prioritized family time, and we always knew they would drop anything if we needed them. My dad has always answered my phone calls, even if he is in a meeting. He wants me to know he loves me and prioritizes my needs.
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Our family saved up to go on two-week trips together every other summer. My dad bought a used ski boat to spend his days off at the lake with us. My parents never missed our sporting events (that I remember!). Mealtimes around the table were a priority, and they scheduled family game nights or movie nights into their calendars. Having fun as a family, especially as a ministry family that endures unique kinds of stress within the body of Christ, is so essential when it comes to raising kids who don’t grow up to resent the church.
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Lastly, please get to know your kids’ friends by getting involved in their lives and opening up your home in hospitality.
My parents made our home a safe place for my friends to hang out, eat a meal, host a gathering, and seek advice. My mother mentored me and several of my closest friends from junior high through high school. She drove us to sporting events (and listened in on our conversations), so she would know better how to guide us through each stage of our lives.
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My dad taught friends to ski behind our boat, made pancakes after we hosted a sleepover, and so much more. Our friends loved being in our home and around our family, and they still talk about the impact my parents had on their lives.
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As my parents intentionally sought the Lord, loved us well, and guided us through some challenging years, the Lord used all of that to set our feet upon a firm foundation of faith. While we cannot guarantee the outcomes of our children’s lives, I believe these points to be of great importance in laying a solid foundation for future generations of believers.
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I could go on and on about how our parents raised us and how they involved us in their ministries and intentionally put us around other godly mentors, but I will simply say I am thankful to have had their examples in my life.
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“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9
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Lindsey Wingo is married to Ryan, the Music Minister at Prince Avenue Baptist Church in Bogart, GA. She grew up a Pastor’s kid herself and is now Mom to four PK’s–ages 1 to ten. She is basically a taxi driver, tutor, and short-order cook!Lindsey loves to study and teach God’s Word to other women and youth. She is most passionate about helping others understand God’s great big story and how that story affects our daily lives.
When she finds some downtime, Lindsey enjoys painting, sewing, reading, and relaxing on the lake or beach! She is a two-cups-of-coffee-in-the-morning kind of girl who depends upon prayer and the Lord to get through each day.