Where We Don’t Trust Him
For most of my life I have had the same anxiety about God. I would read…
Jeremiah 17: 10
or
“You know when I sit and when I rise up; you discern my thought from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.” Psalm 139:2
…and instead of feeling comfort I felt a sense of defeat, shame, guilt, and sadness. I had this sense that I am continually being watched and I can never possibly measure up to where God wants me to be, very similar to the emotions I felt when my Perfectionistic Library Lady was at work.
Recently, my view of these verses has changed. No longer do I sense am “I’m out to getcha” type of attitude from God. Rather, I sense forgiveness, love, grace, and a desire to help me change. Without God pointing out the areas I do not trust Him, I have no way of knowing what I need to work on.
Our soul has journeyed through many experiences and situations. It has been imprinted with many different emotions which have caused us to develop our present perceptions and beliefs. Not all of those beliefs are truth. We know in our heads what we are “suppose to” believe according to scripture. However, our functional beliefs, those beliefs our soul instinctively reacts on, are many times different than the beliefs we know in our head. For example, when we have an unexpected expense arise we immediately panic and worry rather than resting in Jehovah-Jireh (The Lord Will Provide). Our emotions tell us what our functional beliefs are. When we feel panic and worry rather than peace, our belief is not that God will provide all of our needs.
know
This new view of what happens when God knows me has reformed my view of the above verses and has drawn me closer to God’s heart. Now when I walk through situations, I’m working to train my mind to ask the following questions…
What emotions am I feeling? Do they align with what I would feel if I believed Truth?
Who am I believing God to be in this situation?
Most times, I am realizing the god my soul is believing in is NOT the God of scripture. My soul continues to believe a lie and many times resorts to “handling the situation itself”, “fixing my own problems”, “resorting to previously used methods” a.k.a. “living in the flesh.”
Obviously this methodology leads to an even bigger mess. What God wants me to do is recognize the lie I am believing (which usually takes some time and soul searching). We don’t like to believe we are believing a lie, but that does not change the fact that we are. When I recognize the lie, I need to forgive myself for believing the lie, and then confess the lie to the Lord. By accepting the forgiveness I receive from the Lord, I can then confess the Truth I am choosing to believe instead. I then begin to act on that Truth.
God’s plans for us are good. They are not to harm us (Jer 29:11). He has a plan for us to discern the lies we are believing and choose to actively work to change those beliefs. This process is called sanctification. Choosing to be aware of this sanctification process opens a door for us to know God on a whole new level.
Dr. A is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a licensed professional counselor in the state of Louisiana. She has been counseling for over 12 years and currently serves as the Clinical Director of Restoration Counseling, a Christian counseling practice in New Orleans, LA. Dr. A and her Pastor husband, Dr. Page Brooks have been married eleven years and have three adopted children. The Brooks have a passion for specifically multi-racial adoption and through this journey they have planted, Canal Street Church – A Mosaic Community.
Growing up in a minister’s home and becoming a pastor’s wife, God has given Dr. A insight into the lives of the minister’s wives. She counts it a privilege to have had the honor of counseling a number of minister’s wives…find out more about Dr. A and our other writers on Contagious Joy)
