When life is tragic and Doesn’t make sense – Part 1

We are living in tragic times. Times that leave us speechless and forlorn with grief. These days continue to be marked by wonder and grief unspeakable. I am thinking of all the loss and grief. As women in ministry leadership, what words do we offer when this life doesn’t make sense? How do we comfort those in need of comfort? 

There are seasons in the life of a believer when the ground gives way beneath our feet. A diagnosis, a betrayal, a sudden loss, or a dream that dies in front of us—and suddenly, we find ourselves grappling not just with pain, but with the haunting question: “Why would God allow this?”

In my own life, I have experienced some devastating events. I have lost all of my material possessions, first through a fire and then through a hurricane. I have had a stillborn birth and five failed adoptions. I have had friends betray me and have been in difficult church situations. I have had family hurt beyond my capacity to rescue them. And last but not least, I have had a debilitating diagnosis that sent our family to our knees. I know first-hand the questions asked of the Lord during these times. 

I am also keenly aware of those words that are best not spoken, especially in the immediate aftermath of a tragic event.

Words we should not speak:

“I guess God needed another angel.”

“You know that God works all things together for good.”

“God always knows what we can handle, and He will never give us more than we can handle.”

“You are better off without those people in your life anyway!”

“Eventually, it’s going to get better.”

“God has the right child for you somewhere.”

“When it’s time…it will all work out.”

“This too shall pass.”

“You will need to forgive those people.”

“Time heals all wounds. Give it some time.”

The best we can offer in the immediate time after a tragic event is the ministry of presence. Be with the person. Sit with them. Say very few words. 

Start with these words:

“I’m sorry you are going through this,” or something similar. Then just be still. Wait for a response and proceed cautiously.

Then you might ask:

“Is there anything I can do that would help you?” (Truthfully, the person might even know what they need.) Guard your words, and if you see something that needs to be done, ask if you can help with whatever you see and take your cue from the person.

Ask them if you can pray for them and then take your leave or get about doing what needs to be done. (mucking out, organizing and serving food, or leave to manage or acquire help required.)

The point of these reminders is to remind us that we cannot fix the emotional trauma related to a tragic event. We are not the fixers. Only God can do the ultimate healing in these emotional spaces. There will come moments when we find ourselves needing to process the event, and then the friends and counselors should be called in to help walk through “the valley of the shadow of death”. (Psalm 23)

At this moment, we are reeling from the news of flooding and the precious children and camp leadership losing their lives. We are trying to wrap our minds around the loss of life in this tragedy. 

The best we can do is refrain from answering unanswerable questions with religious platitudes. 

The best we can do is hug those loved ones around us, closest to us. 

The best we can do is pray for the families who have lost their loved ones, and be present if we can do anything in the aftermath to help. 

Pray for those who are responding to recover the loved ones and to begin the arduous process of clean-up and restoration.

Pray for disaster relief teams and the local churches that will begin to help rebuild the area and minister to those who have suffered great loss.

Next week, you and I will discuss the wrestling of our faith when life doesn’t make sense, and it feels as if heaven is against us. 

Right now, pray with me:

Father, we cannot understand or even grasp the reason for the tragic events of the past few days. But we choose to trust you in the midst of it. Please comfort those who have lost loved ones. Be near to them as you promised to be near the brokenhearted. Remind us to continue to pray for them. We pray for each responder and the churches that will be helping in the coming days. Give them strength. Keep them safe. We pray for provision for each one, and we ask that you show us where we can be of the greatest help. In Jesus’ name, Amen.