When You Are Dishonored.

  

My husband coined a phrase in the midst of a very difficult time in ministry. “Words spoken in honor empowers the Holy Spirit to make you look better than you really are but words spoken in dishonor empowers the enemy to cause you to look worse than you really are.”  We live in a world where unfortunately, even in the church dishonor flourishes.  I am quite certain that most ministry families have endured seasons of dishonor.  Let’s contrast these two words and then let’s choose which one you and I will walk out for the rest of our days.Honor involves:

• stopping dishonor – don’t participate
• respect for others
• believing the best first
• a guarded tongue and silence in terms of one’s reputation
• protecting a reputation even if what is spoken is true
• loving unconditionally/continually
• being fiercely protective
• lifting one’s strengths up and down playing their weaknesses
• empowerment of another
• much grace
• extending mercy
• walking counter to the flow of the culture one is living
• not joining in with negative slander or gossip
• seeking to walk in right relationship with Christ and then others
• selflessness – dying to your flesh
• ethical moral character
• your word as a guarantee
• verbally defending someone’s honor
• lifting one before the Father as one to be highly favored and used for the Kingdom

Dishonor involves and/or results in:

• shame
• guilt
• disrespect
• slanderous gossip or speaking truth with the intent of justification of one’s position
• a lack of reputation
• disgrace
• betrayal
• rejection
• treating others in a degrading manner- with, contempt
• shattered relationships
• evokes distrust
• selfish desires and fleshy agendas
• bringing one lower and lifting someone or something higher
• tearing apart one’s reputation before others
• brings separation from the Father and Jesus

I can’t imagine that any of us has escaped dishonor.  Jesus did not escape dishonor either(John 8:49). I am ashamed to admit it but I have been a part of dishonor.  The results are devastating for everyone.  In the Hebrew and in the Greek the words we translate for dishonor involve shame, contempt, being stripped bare or naked, disgrace, insults, slander and even blaspheme.  I have to ask myself should there be ANY DISHONOR among Christians?  Even if we disagree or struggle with what someone else has done to us or their theological position or preference of music or how they feel about whatever!  Shame on us if we cannot agree to disagree!  I am not speaking of a disagreement that is against scripture.  Honestly most times there is dishonor because we want what we want regardless of God wants.  Most dishonoring happens when our own agendas are not met or we feel like we are losing control.  Chiefly, dishonor will come when we have been wronged. It becomes our defense. It is a reaction to the feeling of being wounded.

 

Pride is many times at the center of dishonor.  Proverbs says,  “When pride comes, then comes dishonor, But with the humble is wisdom.” (11:6)  We can get angry when we’ve been wronged.  Fleshly anger never honors God.  We need to remember that there is a fine line between righteous anger and fleshly anger.  “A fool’s anger is known at once, But a prudent man conceals dishonor.”  (12:16)  Lord have mercy!  The world is watching.  Dishonor should never be a part of a Christian’s life.

 

There is a cure for someone that is involved in dishonor:

• Confess it!  Say I was wrong God – Father what do YOU want me to do?
• Do what God tells you to do.
  • Seek forgiveness from God
  • Seek forgiveness/reconciliation with the other person if you can – this may not be up to you
  • Stop dishonoring the other person JUST STOP
• Speak honor over one that is being dishonored – bring it back around – sometimes it just gets out of control
• Don’t judge – you’ve been there and got the t-shirt
• Spend much time in prayer and praise
• Ask God to set a guard over your mouth

The last point is paramount to the cure for dishonor:  ‘Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.”  (Psalm 141:3) The word picture is one of asking the Lord to place a small angel on top your lips.   I am not suggesting that you never talk about what is going on in your life.  There will be few people to trust and you will need to be very wise in the choosing of a safe friend or accountability group. Be careful.  Information is power.  Most of us don’t always know how to handle the information given.  First and foremost you should always seek God!  He’s your safest place.  Secondly, when God releases you can speak to a friend or small circle of accountability.

 

I wish I had never slipped into a posture of dishonoring anyone.  Alas, I can’t say that.  True Confession.  I don’t believe I am alone and I am grateful that I have a forgiving Father.  Now, I know that some of you have been so dishonored that it’s hard for you to read this.  I hope you will join us in the forum (It’s a very safe place – no search engine can find you).  Please share you share stories and let’s talk about dishonor in a place where we will see we are not alone.  In fact, we are in very good company for if they dishonored Jesus – YOU WILL BE TOO.  Do not be dismayed or distressed.  You can handle this.  Keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith.

 

P.S.  We haven’t been around for a few months.  We are back and want you to take advantage of the first CJ4H

free retreat for ministry wives.  You pay travel expenses.   Very limited space. 10 spots First of 3 this year.  Click on the link and tell us why you need to come to the retreat.

Diane Nix is the director and founder of Contagious Joy 4 Him, a network of encouragement to ministry wives around the globe.  Her husband, Dr. Preston Nix, is professor of evangelism and evangelistic preaching at NOBTS. Serving in ministry together for 31 years, they have two biological daughters and two spiritual grown daughters.  She is an author, speaker and blogger.  See www.contagiousjoy4him.com..