Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:13-14
“I’m sorry!” Often someone will toss these words out not because the person wanted forgiveness but because she wanted the conflict quickly resolved. Motivated to brush what was stirred up “under the rug” and move forward without accountability for words spoken, she has no remorse and, as a result, no genuine reconciliation. The problem with not ‘cleaning up what’s stirred up’ is that it’s still under the surface, stirred up and lying in wait to trip us up through mistrust, unforgiveness, pride, harshness, gossip, slander, hard-hardheartedness, rebellion, and selfishness. The result:
Doubt
Disunity
Distrust
None of us is exempt from relational conflict. It’s part of life. If you have two people in a relationship, there is bound to be conflict at some level, at some time. How you respond to each other and how you resolve the conflict is an indicator of your Christian maturity and a witness to all who are watching.
Ministry years have taught me that not all conflict has to be a “hill to die on,” but we must actively seek to resolve all dispute. Whether in my own heart or meeting with the one involved, I must walk through the process of resolution and reconciliation. I use the scripture for guidance and clarity especially when my flesh is fighting against the spirit of the Lord living within me.
Remember all the Lord has forgiven you. My list is long.
Allow grace and mercy to rule. If you are in church leadership, most times people are not out to get you (so don’t jump to a conspiracy theory conclusion), they’re just dealing with their junk and you have happened into the path of their “dealing.”
Stop being easily offended. There is much to do in this life, and we never know when our days will be complete. (
Psalm 139:16) Stay focused on the most important and do not allow the enemy to rob you of the Lord’s plan for your life. Run your race – not everyone else’s.
(Hebrews 12:1-2)
Own it – If you have wronged another person don’t dance around the issue – OWN IT! Stop making excuses. Yes, we all make mistakes. When we make them, own them.
First, own them before the Lord and seek His forgiveness and secondly, own them with the other person involved. Speak! “I’m Sorry!” isn’t good enough. Try words like,
“Please forgive me for ____________.” “I’m truly sorry that I ________.” It will be difficult, and you will have to humble yourself but most times when you seek this kind of reconciliation God honors it.
(Proverbs 16:18; 18:12)Deal with it – Do not let any bitterness, resentment, anger, unforgiveness, malice, wrath, dishonor, disunity, distrust remain.
(Hebrews 12:15) Forgiveness is the key to your healing and reconciliation.
(Matthew 6:12-14)
Leave it alone – If you have asked for forgiveness and tried to reconcile and the other person will not allow, leave them to the Lord. Pray for them and live out forgiveness before them.
(Romans 12:18)
Ministry families are not immune to conflict. In the church what better way to destroy our witness in our community by stirring up dissension within our church walls?
Shame on us! We are responsible for living under the mandate of the Scripture, and while most times Scripture is contrary to our flesh, you and I must learn to walk contrary to our flesh.
May we walk in a spirit of unity and purpose and carry out the desires of the Spirit!
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