When a Mother Hurts

I can’t explain why most women desire Motherhood. But we do.

Maybe it’s from the beginning of our existence; it’s hard-wired in us. I didn’t teach my little ones to take their baby dolls, cradle them, and love them. My two little girls did this seemingly by nature. I believe there is strong evidence that most women instinctively want to nurture.

So, when we are raising children in a glasshouse of ministry, it can hurt when we do what we think is best for our children and they choose against what we have taught them about our God, our calling, and His Word. It can hurt when the church of the living God – the bride – holds our kids to another standard, and they fail, and then they become angry and bitter against God for human failure.  

It’s not that we parent perfectly, but we earnestly parent, desiring to love them well by loving them to Jesus and our God. This world and our greatest foe are against this endeavor. The battle is on to capture the hearts of our children. 

I know many ministry wives who have done all they know to do, through prayer, protection, discipleship, and instruction (both practical and biblical), only to have their children choose another lifestyle or another road. Years ago, I am ashamed to admit this; I stood in judgment on some of these mothers. Maturity and understanding of the Word help me realize that each of us has our journey, including our children. Each of us has a choice. And as leaders – we need to remember the devil targets our families. Expect it, don’t be surprised, and let’s pray against it.  

So during this Mother’s Day weekend, I want to encourage the heart of a hurting mother.  

I also want to speak to the woman in leadership/ministry wife who has been like Hannah and begged the Lord for a child – it seems as if heaven is silent. (I Samuel 1-2)

To both of you, I want to say, “Don’t give up!” He knows. He sees. He has not forgotten what He has said.

The following gentle reminders to the Mother who is hurting: (you already know.)

1.  You are in a battle for your child’s heart from the moment they are born. Admit the battle and commit to PRAY, and keep on praying. Stand Firm. Ephesians 6:10-19
2. Ask God for a scripture promise(s) to pray over your children, and then stand on these verses.
3. While they are young, we might be able to control outward behavior, but we must lead our kids’ hearts to the Lord and treasure and protect this.
4. Get in right relationship with your child. If we make mistakes and we will. Own them to the children. Seek their forgiveness and reconcile. NO matter how old they are or how old you are.
5. Grace and mercy need to be the theme of your household. Commit to the Lord, yourself, and your child; I will love my child. The kind of love our Lord shows us.
6. As they grow older, remember to release them to the Lord. When given the opportunity, remind them of what you have taught them. You and I must release them and pray like crazy that He will protect them and keep them loving Him more than they love this world. They have their own stories. You cannot live their life. He has written their stories, and they must choose to follow Him or the world.
7. Remember, God loves your child more than you do. Just typing this makes me shudder. Psalm 139, John 3:16

Now I speak to the ministry wife/leader who is waiting. Waiting for Motherhood, and it hurts. It keeps hurting because of the silence or unfulfilled desire of your heart. I remember this time in my life. I experienced five failed adoptions, one baby’s death at 26 weeks, and finally, two babies. Both coming into the world very, very tiny. It would be 12 years of waiting, longing, and loss.

I remember sitting in church on Mother’s day weekend and feeling a bit resentful and extremely sad. Please, all who read this, be sensitive. Maybe don’t state any platitudes about how God will open her womb in His time.

A gentle reminder to the woman who is waiting to be a mom

1. You can trust your God that He knows and sees your heart’s desire.
2. He is working when you don’t think He is.
3. There is no sin you have done that He would punish you and keep you from having kids.   
4. Let God choose His way of you becoming a mother. Pray and consider fostering, adopting, mentoring, and unofficially mothering those women in your church who need a mom.
5. Keep your eyes on the Lord. Let him feel you with His presence. He knows, and He knows you better than you know yourself. (Psalm 139)
6. Consider many stories in Scripture to give you clarity in the waiting. One of my favorites is I Samuel 1-2. 

I encourage you to lean deeply into the Lord. 

Finally, to all moms who are weary in the journey because, as my husband says, “Motherhood is the hardest job in the world.” I know you are exhausted but don’t lose heart. Don’t give in or give up! But as women, let’s bind our hearts together to pray and lift one another before the Lord.   

Happy Mother’s Day, Sisters! You are loved, and I’m cheering you on!