Unmet Expectations
You already know that I met head-on with an unmet expectation! Months later I spoke with a professor friend and shared my plight. I will never forget his response: “My dear, are you just now discovering this?” Well, call me naïve, but that was my first big clue to the need to alter my expectations about ministry. We all have so so many expectations regarding ministry!
Expectations color our world: marriage, church-life, friends, children, “life”… Unmet expectations equal disappointment, then anger and other complicating emotions. Expectations exert subtle demands on self and others. Learning that God loves me set me free from the heartbreak of unmet expectations.
I always knew that God loved the world, and He loves you too… I was just unsure about that being true for me. I’d grown up in a family of conditional love relationships, and accepting/receiving love was difficult for me. I usually felt hesitant and skeptical. Not anymore though: one day God enabled me to understand His love for me, and I’ve never been the same. It was completely life changing. I bask in the security and safety of His love.
God has never disappointed me. Although He allows sorrow and heartache; difficulty and adversity, He is always there to make life worth living. He is the foundation I rest upon, especially when my pastor/husband suddenly died some years back. He is the solid rock on which I stand, my refuge and place of safety.
Through the years many Christian women have quietly confided to me, “I really don’t trust God. I’m afraid to trust Him.” I believe now, that trust is a by-product of love. You cannot and will not trust anyone who does not love you. You must be confident in being loved before you dare to trust. Think of a young child jumping into deep water to the waiting arms of his or her dad. Why do they ever jump? Because Daddy loves him/her… they decided that Daddy is trustworthy!
Everything and every person will fail to meet your expectations. Only Jesus will satisfy, for He loves you, and that love was forever demonstrated by His death on the cross. Do you need help in discovering His love for you? Message me for more…
Anita Onarecker Woods Author/Devotional Writer/Speaker and Teacher Anita writes from a God-given passion and the overflow of His activity in her life. She was a young mother of two when her husband Dick Onarecker, recognized God’s call on his life. Suddenly she was a minister’s wife! For years they worked together, so when Dick died suddenly in 1996, her life changed in every conceivable way. Her focus became “finding a new normal.” She completed her education at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, graduating with a master’s degree in May 2007. Read more about Anita by clicking here.
We know that the Lord is sufficient to meet our unfulfilled expectations when we come before Him. But the pastors wives and women in ministries are called to be together to encourage and edify each other as what the Lord command us to do.
I needed this today. Please pray for me as I sort out in my heart what expectations I’m carrying that have turned to disappointment. I don’t feel like our family is being cared for, even though every day we are caring and ministering to others. I need prayer that I will just focus on being thankful for what we have, instead of what we don’t.
Hi Smartin, Often the reality is it’s hard for the church/congregation to care for us. This occurs more in churches that don’t have mature leadership. Even in churches that have matured leadership, as pastors wives it’s hard to them to care for us because it’s hard for us be authentic with them when we live in fishbowl lifestyle. I agreed that we have to focus on what we have rather than what we don’t and show gratitude for what the Lord has given us. I’ll pray for you that you can turn all these expectations to the Lord.
We can also turn these expectations to other pastors wives for support.
smartin, I have felt that same disappointment often. The danger I have experienced is that it festers and turns to anger and resentment if not dealt with. Asking The Lord for contentment and joy is essential, but I believe that sometimes we need to do something to change the situation. More than once, my husband has talked with our church board about our needs, and they have responded by increasing his pay. I believe that, unfortunately, many people in the church don’t really stop to think about how they would manage if they had to live on what they pay their pastor. They look at the giving and the budget and decide what they can afford to pay based on that, rather than basing the decision on faith that if they do the right thing, God will provide. Part of doing the right thing is for them to recognize that it is not only the pastor who is called to sacrifice. If they want to keep a pastor, they are called to sacrifice so that he and his family can have their needs met. The pastor’s family should not be expected to subsist on an income significantly below most of those in the church. It may be that the expecations of the decision-makers are wrong. They may expect that a pastor should be poor, even if they are not. So my point is that, while we need to cultivate thankfulness and contentment, we may also need to advocate for ourselves, recognizing that the church may simply be ignorant of their responsibilities and your plight.