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The Four Stages of Marriage – Jodi Aiken

“I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine.” Song of Solomon 6:3, NASB
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The moment I saw him come through the door, I was awestruck. His body language spoke of confidence, and his presence caused my heart to skip a beat or two. I wondered if I would have an opportunity to know him, be friends, or perhaps date him.
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My wonder eventually became a reality! Our passion for one another drove us to do whatever it took for us to be together. Therefore, like two crazy-in-love teens, seventeen and eighteen, we met at the church altar and said “I do” before God, family, and friends.
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That was over thirty-two years ago! I remember it as though it happened yesterday. Truth be told, all we knew about marriage was what we did not want it to be like:
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Rule #1: We would not yell.
Rule #2: Divorce would never become a topic of discussion.
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We broke rule number one a few times. 😉
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I don’t claim to know everything there is to know about marriage. I’m still on the learning curve, but over the years, I have noticed four distinct stages in marriage:
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Passion
Busyness
Complacency
Renewal
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It goes something like this:
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Passion: For most couples, there will be a long stretch of passionately pursuing one another. You’re enjoying marriage because it’s fun, fulfilling, and romantic.
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Over time, busyness enters. The exclusive, personal attention a couple enjoys becomes divided among many things. Children, jobs, ministry, interests, and obligations begin to change the priorities of the marriage.
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Complacency settles in disguised as a security blanket, and the relationship begins to navigate on autopilot.
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Then it hits you!
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You have lost intimacy, connection, and fulfillment in your marriage. Perhaps you evaluate your life and wonder how you ended up here. Fear begins strumming on your heartstrings, playing “what if” lyrics.
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As your eyes open to reality, you plead before the Lord to bring renewal to your marriage.
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You resolve to never get to this place again and renew your passion for your husband.
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Does any of that sound familiar to you?
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What stage of marriage are you currently in?
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Regardless of the stage, God created you to be your husband’s helpmate and desires for you both to thrive in your marriage. He knows that the enemy of busyness and complacency crouches at the door of your coveted relationship seeking to destroy it.
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God has given us an incredible love story in the book of Song of Solomon to glean insight. It’s a romantic pursuit of two lovers desiring to be together.
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The phrase used in Song of Solomon 6:3, “I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine,” is a banner over their marriage that conveys to one another and their community that they are one and are passionately in love. They were secure in their relationship.
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However, not long into their marriage, the woman grows complacent, missing an opportunity to be with her man. When she realizes what has happened, she resolves to find her husband and reconnect. You can find the story in chapter five.
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No matter how secure you are in your marriage, don’t let your guard down! Keep pursuing your soul mate, and never take their love for granted. Friend, no one is immune to temptation.
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We are all one decision away from messing everything up!
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So, what can you do to guard your marriage at any stage?
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Be intentional!
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It sounds straightforward. However, it packs a powerful force that protects your love, respect, and affection for one another from slowly fading away.
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If you find yourself stuck in stages two or three, it takes intentionality to move forward.
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Be intentional to:
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Make time for each other.
Have conversations about what is on your heart.
Extend grace more often.
Don’t always take each other so seriously and make room for laughter.
Flirt with each other like you did when you first married.
Meet one another’s needs.
Go on a date without your children.
Renew your commitment to notice each other in particular ways every day. i.e., hug, kiss, hold hands, text, send a note–get creative!
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Be intentional to show one another and others that you are your beloved’s, and your beloved is yours.
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As I mentioned earlier, I do not pretend to have “marriage” all figured out. Marrying at such a young age meant that we had to grow up together. It was up to us if we would grow into one as God designed. Over time we created another rule for our marriage.
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Rule #3: Always be intentional to work on our relationship.
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It has served us well over the years, and I am confident it will do the same for you. I am my beloved’s, and my beloved is mine in sickness and in health, till death do us part.
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Jodi Aiken

Jodi Aiken is a writer, podcaster, and speaker. Raised in a small South Carolina town, Jodi grew up in a non-Christian religion, the youngest of five children. She understands and desires for others to know that trusting God with the past, present, and future is essential to living free in Christ. She is a “mom” to two adult sons and a first-time JoJo (aka-grandma). Over thirty-two years of marriage to her husband, Chris, have provided countless adventures, including life as a military spouse, a police officer’s wife, and now the wife of a pastor.

You can learn more about Jodi at www.JodiAiken.com or join her on Instagram @jodiaiken and Facebook @official. jodiaiken.

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