The Complement of Marriage
A life-changing moment in my life occurred on a regular day while cooking a regular dinner in my regular kitchen. As I stood near the stove, warming a skillet, my husband made his way from the living room sofa to the kitchen to turn down the flame underneath the pan. As his hand reached for the dial, a flare of indignation roared within me.
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How dare he leave HIS place on the couch to tend to MY dinner! Just as I was about to remind him that I knew what I was doing and neither I nor the skillet had called out for his rescue, passages from Genesis 2:18 and 2:25 flooded my heart and reeled back the words of rebuke. My married life has been and will forever be changed as a result!
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Three things happened.
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First, God spoke to my heart in a firm, fatherly tone.
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Second, I gained a new perspective on what it means to complement my husband.
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And third, the flame of my relationship is being raised.
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God’s Personal, Loving Encouragement
God Said… “Michelle.” My heart perked up as my parents rarely called me by my first name, Brenda, but always called me Michelle, my middle name. God’s fatherly concern was on display, giving me the personal touch I needed at this moment.
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God said, “Michelle, Mark is my gift to you. I give you gifts to enhance your life, bring you joy, and stretch you in ways that will help you live for me. If you believe that, then why be angry at Mark for operating as one such gift? He lowered the flame because he knew it was too high. You now have the joy of sitting down to dinner instead of cooking a replacement meal. Mark didn’t challenge your cooking skills; he was protecting you.”
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God helped me see my anger came out of insecurity and the belief that I should know more about cooking than Mark. Even more profound than that, I feared my husband didn’t need me. Was I angry with Mark? No. I felt inadequate, which probably meant I wasn’t mad at all–I was embarrassed. Meanwhile, Mark is oblivious to what is happening in my head and heart and was back on the couch, taking the news commentator to task for something or other.
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My New Perspective
A few weeks earlier, I studied Genesis 2:18-25.
Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper [complement] corresponding to him…Both the man and his wife were naked, yet felt no shame.”
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The Hebrew definition of complement is, in front of, opposite to.
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As I stood there in my kitchen, this definition and those verses ministered to me. Mark’s lowering of the flame was a physical picture of us as complements. He knew about something, and I needed that knowledge. Although our spiritual and emotional wholeness can only come from God, my husband complements me, and I complement him! He knows cooking; I know cleaning! He gives the kids grace; I provide them with reality checks–and the list goes on! Together, we are a complete package. I cannot believe how much time I have wasted fighting against that!
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My thoughts on what I should do as the woman had prevented Mark and me from being the version of naked and unashamed Genesis 2:25 describes. By continually covering myself in the shame of “not being,” I unwittingly shrouded all of who I am. As a complement to one another, Mark and I can bring all we are to the marriage table without feeling ashamed of what we aren’t. What one of us doesn’t possess, the other does!
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Coming to understand my relationship in light of Genesis 2:18 has helped move my marriage toward Genesis 2:25. I intellectually understood these things, but God used Mark’s simple act of lowering that flame to transfer that knowledge from my head to my heart.
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Raising the Relationship Flame
Mark decreasing the fire under the skillet was a small thing that brought a more significant relationship issue to light. It made me examine other areas of our marriage. Was I covered and ashamed in other areas of our relationship? You probably already know the answer to that question! If something as small as my husband turning down the fire under my skillet could set me off, certainly other areas needed addressing.
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I would love to end by telling you, “All areas were discovered and addressed with success!” That would be nice, but it would also be a lie. So, I will end with this…
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It may take a lifetime to uncover all the ways both Mark and I cover ourselves in shame, but that is what the marriage relationship requires–a willingness to stay, work, and love one another so profoundly that each individual feels complemented–naked and unashamed.[su_spacer]
Brenda M. Croston is a freelance writer, publishing entrepreneur, and educator. Currently, she is the women’s ministry leader at Mt. Gilead Missionary Baptist Church, Nashville, TN. Her most important work is family–husband Mark, four children, and two of the best granddaughters this side of heaven. Follow Brenda @brendacroston on FaceBook or Instagram.
