Tending The Sheep
Shepherding our flocks can bring great blessing, and we understand defending them against wolves is part of our job description. Unfortunately, we tend to be woefully unprepared when the sheep of our fold turn and bite!
Have you ever felt when you entered the ministry someone painted a bulls-eye on your back? It seems the very ones we pray for, sacrifice the most family time for, and give much of our time can turn on us when we least expect it.
Interestingly, I don’t think the sheep would ever admit to doing anything wrong. Blinded by their sin of pride and control, some think they are protecting their church. Still, others seem to have a demonic aspect to their attacks. Their assaults feel calculated, manipulative, even organized like a military campaign.
So, how do we weather these storms in ministry–heal, forgive, and come out stronger? Several things come to mind:
Set healthy boundaries. God laws set limits to protect us. While healthy boundaries take personal work and self-discipline to implement, unhealthy “open” relational borders allow others to determine our limits. Imagine a castle without a protective wall; it’s wide-open to invasion. Unhealthy “closed” boundaries cut us off from others where we perceive others as a threat.
“Flexible” boundaries, however, allow us to protect ourselves from threats while also being able to let others inside. If we find we let someone in who is toxic, a flexible boundary system allows for firmly removing them. In ministry, exemplified in Matthew 10:16, we are advised to be “wise as serpents but harmless as doves.”
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“We cannot serve Christ well if our hearts have hardened towards our sheep, but we also do not allow anyone to bring harm to ourselves, our family, or our church.”
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We cannot serve Christ well if our hearts have hardened towards our sheep, but we also do not allow anyone to bring harm to ourselves, our family, or our church.
Beware the antagonist. An antagonist in the church is toxic, and you cannot appease them. This person is the one who consistently stirs up trouble, one who is never happy no matter how much you give. These types bully others into getting their way, and others give in to save the peace. You cannot use reason with such an antagonist. While it may not be comfortable for you, the best solution is to stand firm as soon as you recognize who they are in your church. This strong stance requires you be clear but kind and not back down when they become upset.
Antagonists tend to respect those who set firm boundaries. Proverbs 11:29 states, “He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind, and the fool will be a servant to the wise of heart.” Try to get your leadership involved in boundary-setting through a seminar on conflict resolution. However, the reality is you may find yourself going head-to-head with someone with so much power in the church that you may want to polish up your resume!
Limit your vulnerabilities. Finally, work to lessen the targets on your back. It’s true that the more you do, the more you will be criticized, so use a “good, better, best” paradigm. There is much good we can do, there is better we can do, and then there is the best that God has created us to do. Pray and focus on the best. Just because a need exists, this does not mean you are the one intended to fill it! If you do, you may steal the blessing of serving from the one the Lord was calling to step up.
I know in small churches, this is difficult, but it is worth seeking God’s best. Remember, when they called your husband, they weren’t automatically getting two for the price of one!
Recognize also that Satan does not play fair. Though we expect attacks against our husbands, Satan loves to attack our marriages and our kids through church members because it is the surest way to destroy your husband’s ministry. My primary job is to support my husband, and I can’t do that if I get caught up in the drama and politics of the church. It just makes his calling harder on him!
Unfortunately, pain is a part of a ministry. It just is. Accept that conflict will arise and get outside help when you need it; I know I did. More than once the attacks of our sheep hurt us so much that Rob and I begged God to set us free from our calling–so I do understand. Stay the course, ladies. Recognize you are not in the battle alone and consider implementing the measures discussed above.
“Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you.’ So we may boldly say: ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?'” Heb. 13:5.
Michelle Faith Muncy, MAFTA, TCDAC, is passionate about her God, her family, her church, and her ministry, where she serves as a Christian Drug and Alcohol Counselor to broken women. She is the proud mother of two grown children and one very active teenager as well as Mimi to a precocious two-year-old. Isaiah 61:1 “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me Because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound.”
