Marriage, Motherhood and Ministry
The Beginning
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As I have grown through my role as a ministry wife, I have experienced many stages. When I first started, I was single, and my only obligation aside from ministry was to God. I had no husband or children. I was an adult and living on my own.
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When I married, my obligations changed. I now had a husband to consult before accepting ministry engagements. I also had to synch our schedules to stay available to support my husband and assist him in his ministry preparation.
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When I became a mother, the rhythm we had between us in our marriage and ministries changed dramatically. I had to adjust the way I managed my time, and my obligations were different. I remember the beginning of motherhood being some of the loneliest days of my life. Tending to this young life–while I loved it–was also exhausting. At the time of my son’s birth, I was the only woman in the church with an infant child. Ladies’ gatherings, which sometimes included children, no longer felt like a refuge for me, a woman with an entirely dependent infant.
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Ministry and Motherhood
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Being a wife and mother brought many challenges. While other women in the church had walked in similar shoes, mine was different. I was the minister’s wife. Every area of my life seemed under scrutiny. I found myself having to protect my husband’s time and protect my child from the insensitive and sometimes inappropriate comments of some members within our church. I found that adults would say unkind things to my son when they were upset with my husband and me.
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Through these challenges, I relied on 1 Peter 5:7, “Cast all your cares on the Lord, for he cares for you.” This verse kept me grounded and focused, assured the Lord cared for me, enabling me to lead in love when others were being unkind.
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Finding balance was my greatest challenge as a minister, ministry wife, and mother. Though blessed by adding my husband and son to my life, it became more critical for me to balance the roles of marriage, motherhood, and ministry. Yes, in that order. Through trial and error (more error than not), I learned the importance of setting boundaries and protecting my time. There is always plenty to do in ministry: schedules to create, programs to plan, people to pray for or encourage, serving the community, behind-the-scenes work, etc. I found it not only essential but imperative to set and keep boundaries. As my son grew older and aware, he began to voice his need for our undivided time and attention, and rightfully so. After all, my first ministry is to my family.
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Being Intentional
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I learned my setting and honoring boundaries created space for my family to enjoy being in one’s another’s company without constant interruptions. I will admit, it isn’t always cut and dry. There are times when the schedule has to shift due to an emergency or impertinent need. I do my absolute best to keep this to a minimum.
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Ways I honored boundaries:
I blocked time in my schedule for family activities.
I created safe spaces in our home where we spoke only of our family’s goals, needs, dreams, etc.
I did not utilize our family time for anything but family time.
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How setting boundaries blessed my family:
Setting boundaries showed my family, through my actions, that I loved them.
It made a statement to others that my family was important.
Boundaries created an environment where we grew and bonded as a family and blessed me because it allowed me to know my family intimately.
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Perhaps you are in a place where boundaries are non-existent. Or maybe you find it challenging to set boundaries for your family because you are in a ministry where you wear many hats. Whatever your challenge, I encourage you to begin small. Start with one goal and honor it. Cooking a meal together, enjoying a family game night, and establishing no phone zones are ways to focus on family togetherness.
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My prayer is that you be encouraged in whichever stage you find yourself in. May the Lord bless you and your family in all you do.
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“And God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work.” (2 Corinthians 9:8)
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DeNise Gerst is a minister and ministry wife. She has served in ministry for the past 22 years. She has served as a worship leader, staff minister, Youth Pastor, and adjutant. This past February, she was ordained as an Apostle.DeNise serves in marketplace ministry as an Assistant Principal in the public-school system. As an educator for 21 years, she has enjoyed serving as a classroom teacher, Science Facilitator, and Administrator. DeNise also leads worship at her church in the form of song and through dance. She has the heart to encourage individuals to draw closer to the Lord and has a special place in her heart for ministry wives.
DeNise is a multi-gifted individual. She is an author, prophetic worshipper, liturgical dancer, and songwriter. Her hobbies include reading, singing, and dancing. She enjoys spending time with her family and has taken time to re-connect with her family. DeNise and her husband John have been married for 20 years and have one loving and gifted son.