I Surrender, No Matter What

Week 23, Weekend

Susan Lafferty

Then Jesus said to His disciples, “If anyone wants to come with Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life because of Me will find it.” Matthew 16:24-25 (hcsb)

It was an agonizing decision for my friend. It was thought out and prayed over. She was a single woman and it was an area where women remained behind veils and walls—yet she knew her Lord had called her to go there. She went to a hard and bitter wilderness—a dangerous place—to a people steeped in spiritual darkness. Her letters reflected the struggle to learn language and culture, to endure the heat. She spoke of loneliness and learning to cling to God alone.

She asked the Lord to cleanse her of deep-seated pride—acknowledging it was ongoing, this call to deny herself, take up her cross daily, and follow Him. It was difficult to meet women, but He made a way and opened doors. One year her team saw God work in an amazing way, calling several from that people group into His kingdom—and there was hope of a breakthrough. But only a few months later my friend was kidnapped. She was never heard from again. She is presumed dead.

Five months earlier we had exchanged e-mails about our quiet time reading in the book of Luke. She wrote, “When I read the last few chapters, I was reminded that just as our Lord’s death looked like such a travesty and tragedy and victory for the Enemy, Father turned it into the greatest and most victorious event of all. I kept thinking of what His followers must have thought and felt as things seemed to get worse and worse; but He was completely in control and was using it all for His purposes and glory.”

My friend surrendered, no matter what. It was not a one-time event of committing her life to follow Him, but a daily experience of dying to self and submitting to Him. She paid the ultimate price. We grieve the loss of such a dear sister—but we do not grieve as those who have no hope. We trust He is using it all for His purposes and glory.

Lord, You ask me not to save my life, but to lose it—fully surrendered to You. Help me to die to self—no matter what, no matter where, no matter when. Amen.