It’s Not Personal! It’s Ministry!

“Don’t take this so personal, she said.  “This doesn’t have anything to do with our friendship.  It’s just that our family doesn’t feel that we are getting everything that we need from the church(the same church where my husband was the Senior Pastor) and we believe that God is calling us to “so and so” church down the road.”(The same “so and so” church where it was HAPPENING! )  I sat before her and was stunned.  I hadn’t seen this coming and to be honest, I was speechless.  What did she mean, “Don’t take this so personal?!”  I was trying to muster every bit of spiritual maturity but my emotions were betraying me and tears were welling up in my eyes.  I sat before a woman who had partnered with me in women’s ministry for quite some time.  We had prayed together.  Laughed together.  Ministered to others together.  We had celebrated together.  Interceded for others and well generally just done LIFE.  Her family had supported us.  I thought we had supported her family as well.  They had been at the family highlights of our lives and now because of  some conflict within the church and obviously some feelings that I was unaware – they were leaving.  I was emotionally devastated.  Emotions of betrayal, rejection, anger, loss and grief were just the tip of the iceberg.  “Just like that”  – had in truth been brewing for some time which then brought into question every aspect of our relationship.  I felt as if I didn’t even know the person sitting before me but most of all I didn’t trust myself or my own judgment.  How did I let my defenses down and not see?  Why did I let her in?  Was she truly my friend?

Ministry is one of the only jobs in the world where you  and your husband invest so much of yourselves it can become hard to define where the two of you stop and the church begins.  It involves pouring out emotionally many times to the point of utter physical, mental, emotional exhaustion.  Not to mention spiritual depletion and the need to guard your heart and set boundaries.  Even when there are healthy boundaries in place a ministry wife can reach a place of becoming  disillusioned, brokenhearted, disgusted, embittered, unforgiving and resentful.  In ministry conflict IS personal.  Conflict within the church can be brutal. In order to survive the ministry wife must:

• Know who called you to the task. I don’t want to split hairs here but there is something about a ministry wife who surrenders her heart to the task of being a Ministry Wife.  It will look different and sound different for every woman.  Our God is like that.  He treats each of us as individuals.  Amazing! 
• Be grounded in the Word or at the very least seeking and growing in her personal Bible Study
• Be in a DAILY prayer time.  Meeting with her Abba everyday
• Develop deep friendships with like-minded ministry women outside of her church even her own denomination (broaden your sphere)
• Understand and learn the need for healthy boundaries within her relationships
• Accept the fact that conflict is a part of ministry – It’s not her job to fix it – through the leadership of the Holy Spirit, leadership of the church resolution and reconciliation can happen. God Knows. He not unaware.
• Seek God’s truth in every situation and let her husband lead through it.  PRAY for HIM and the other leadership of the church daily
• Remember that your primary job  is to love Jesus and then to support your husband and take care of your family not only by praying but by creating a place of peace and refuge within your home

For yours truly, many lessons came by way of the hard road.  I didn’t have any examples of seasoned ministry wives to seek wisdom.  I just had the job in front of me.  Looming at times – INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL most of the time.  Seasoned ministry wives  must invest in younger ministry wives coming behind us. The world they are entering is much different than ours but there are still pearls of wisdom that could help them along the way.

So have your say.  Can you relate to the story shared today?  What do you have to say about conflict in ministry?

I would love to read your comments in the forum or below.  Remember when you click on the forum if you are not signed in you will need to do so in order to post a comment.