When You’re Looking in All The Wrong Places
It could be said that I have been looking at challenges, adversity, pain, and suffering incorrectly my entire life. Up to this point I have wanted to avoid them. My soul fears and dreads going through hard times because those times are hard and painful. To be quite honest…they stink. So far I have looked for hope in the disappearance of my suffering.
Scripture tell us a few things about pain and suffering that, when put together, paint the challenges of life in a little different light.
1) Scripture says that Jesus asked for His challenging and painful experience to be taken away. So we know it’s okay to ask for it to be removed. I do not think Jesus would have asked God to remove the situation if God had a “no removal” policy about suffering. So, I believe it is okay to ask. However, He immediately submitted himself to God’s will even before receiving an answer. If I am going to be honest, I pray for God to remove a hurt or return a loss. If He does not choose to do so, my first thought is not, “Oh! God must have something better in mind!” Rather, it is “God where are You and why aren’t You answering my prayers?” But if I were to tell myself Truth rather than the lie that Satan would rather me believe, I would remind myself that because God is eternally good with no possibility of changing, I am able to face my pain, challenge, and/or loss knowing He loves me and has purpose for all things. Faith is choosing to walk in what we know to be true even if it does not feel true.
2) Since God is allowing me to walk through this pain and suffering, I can trust the pain and suffering will be used for my good and benefit in some way. “God does not promise to make a bad thing good, nor has He assured us that He will keep us from bad things. He has promised us that in all things – even those that are terrible – good can come out of it for all those who love Him.” A large part of the struggle we have in suffering happens when we experience circumstances that causes a struggle between our soul and spirit. It is a struggle between what feels true (longstanding beliefs we hold based on past experiences and hurts) and what is true (the truth our spirit knows to be true based on God’s Word). The struggle can always be boiled down to our believing a lie about who God is or who we are in Christ.
3) I know that “suffering produces endurance and endurance produces character” (Romans 5:3-4a) Endurance is the ability to continue through suffering without being crushed. When we walk in faith through suffering, faith grows stronger like a muscle grows stronger when exercised with gradually increasing weight increments. As we allow God to align our beliefs with His truth (brought about through suffering) and our ability to go through suffering increases (endurance).
4) Ironically, the hope I desperately want in the midst of my suffering, I can only obtain as I grow in character, which only comes through endurance. Character is the life that emerges on the other side of suffering. Romans 5:5 tells us that this hope does not put us to shame or let us down. We can be assured of this because God’s love (which is patient, kind, not envious or boastful, not arrogant or rude, not selfish irritable, or resentful, not rejoicing in wrong doing but rather rejoices in truth; His love that bears all things, believes all things, hopes all tings, endures all things and that never gives up or fails) that love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been give to us.
Rather than choosing to look at my suffering as being proof that God is not really who He says He is or that He does not really love me as much as scripture says he does; or believing that maybe I am an exception to the truth that God has a plan and purpose for life, a plan to bring a hope and future. Instead of believing all those lies – which by the way are derivatives of the same lies Satan told Adam and Eve in the garden (God does not really love you. He doesn’t really want you to be happy) – maybe I should put a different frame around my suffering.
When I suffer I am given an opportunity for God to shape and mold my personality and character into the person He created me to be. Ultimately all my joys will be more intensely joyful and I will be more completely satisfied when looking back at the end of my life because of this time of suffering. On top of that, I bring Him more glory than I could before the suffering and I get to love others in a way that looks more like Christ’s love than it ever did before.
The momentary suffering I am forced to walk through forever enriches my life. I am drawn closer to the heart of my Savior and Best Friend. I am then able to love God, love myself, and love others in a way that was impossible before. AND – the feeling of hope grows in me as His love is poured over me. Maybe next time I am faced with, dashed into, or overwhelmed with fear and pain, I will be less quick to run away (false hope) and more willing to pray the prayer of my Savior, “Not my will but Yours be done.” Maybe one day I will quit looking for hope in all the wrong places.
Praying for you….
Dr. A
P.S. This month I would love to have you post questions that you might like to ask a counselor but never have. Post your question and in the coming days. I’ll answer.
Ashley is a licensed marriage and family therapist and a licensed professional counseling in the state of Louisiana. She has been counseling for over 12 years and currently serves as the Clinical Director of Restoration Counseling, a Christian counseling practice in New Orleans, LA. Ashley is also adjunct professor for New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary and Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. She has previously taught for North Greenville University and Liberty University.Dr. B and her husband, Dr. Page Brooks, have been married almost eleven years. They have 2 daughters, Karis (5 years old) and Alethia (3 years old). The Lord has used adoption as the means by which He has expanded the Brooks family. The Lord has given the Brooks a passion for specifically multi-racial adoption.
