Know When It’s Depression
I was tired. It went beyond just exhaustion because I wasn’t getting my energy back even with sleep. Bone weary, poured out like a drink offering tired. I was yelling at my teenage daughter one day when she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said, “Mom it’s like you’re trying to find reasons to be mad at me.” She was right. I was irritable, menopausal, and couldn’t stand my own skin. As a therapist, I knew what I would tell my client, but it was more difficult than I imagined to go to my doctor. He was also our praise and worship leader! He was gracious and gave me a mild anti-depressant that helped tremendously within a few weeks.
Perhaps you can relate. One of the things we often don’t speak of as a pastor’s family is the depression that comes from service. If we share others, respond, “You’re doing things on your power, just trust God more” or “Must be some sin in your life” or “Just look at all your blessings.” NOT helpful, so we learn to remain silent.
Or perhaps it isn’t you; maybe you see this in your husband who is working so hard and sees so little result. He gets tired, and yet he keeps pushing, striving to please those who will never be happy; thinking he needs to be available at a moments notice and never sets aside downtime.
As a counselor, I know what depression looks like, but as one who struggles in ministry alongside my husband, I am intimately aware of the symptoms. Perhaps you are too. Here are some things to take note*:
• Is everything cardboard? Life holds little pleasure anymore, even in situations that you know should bring you pleasure.
• Do you find you have a chronic feeling of hopelessness or feeling sad often even if there is no reason to be unhappy?
• Is your sleep an issue? Too much? Too little? Frequent waking up in the night? From a medical perspective, rest is when we heal, without out it, we are prone to depression.
• Whether you sleep or not, do you still feel tired with little energy for things?
• Is your appetite off? Are you not eating or the opposite eating all the time?
• Are your thoughts chronically negative? Do you feel like a failure, and even when you can do things you think it is never enough? Do you feel like you are always letting your family down even if they don’t feel this way? (For your husband, does he also feel like he is still letting the church down?)
• Can you concentrate? Do you have trouble staying focused? Is reading more difficult than normal?
• Does it feel that your movements are slow and almost like moving through mud? Or the opposite, do you feel restless, can’t relax and are running around so much that others notice?
• Do you ever have thoughts you would be better off dead or of hurting yourself in some way even if you have no plans to do so?
*The Patient Health Questionnaire (PHQ-9)
If you found yourself identifying with these questions, please don’t let being a pastor’s family stop you from seeking help. Medically it is understood that high adrenaline professions are prone to depression due to the imbalance it causes in our brain’s neurochemicals. It’s is not a faith issue but a medical one.
If you do have thoughts of hurting yourself, get help immediately. Do not let the enemy convince you no one cares; it simply isn’t true. If you think your loved one is having these thoughts, ASK. It will not make them commit suicide by asking, and they can get the help they need if it’s true.
Even if none of this pertains to your family, copy and paste these questions to have for others God places in your life. Depression is common both within and without our churches. You may be the one the Lord sends to get them help.
Praying for you,
Michelle Faith Muncy, MAFTA, TCDAC
Michelle is passionate about her God, her family, her church, and her ministry where she serves as a Christian Drug and Alcohol Counselor to broken women. She is the proud mother of two grown children and one high school graduate as well as Mimi to a precocious four year old.
