Unholy Expectations
“I asked God for a bike, but I know He doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and asked for forgiveness.”
[su_spacer]
Funny, right? But this comedic story is laced with uncomfortable truths.
[su_spacer]
Truth we don’t want to acknowledge.
Truth about how we see God.
Truth about trust.
Truth about control.
Truth about ourselves.
Truth about expectations, theology, and the misuse of both.
[su_spacer]
Before I launch into the problem of unholy expectations, I first need to define what they are.
[su_spacer]
Unholy expectations are ‘things we believe should happen or believe should happen in a certain way.’ Perhaps an even more straightforward definition is ‘expectations that are incompatible with God’s heart, nature, timing.’
[su_spacer]
Unholy expectations DO NOT originate in the heart or mind of the Lord but instead form in the hearts and minds of human reasoning, understanding, and past experiences. They are our ideas, not His. They flow from our beliefs and short-sighted desires. They have more to do with our longing for comfort and pleasure than they do with God’s actual promise of life and wholeness.
[su_spacer]
What makes an expectation unholy is not the expectation itself but its source. Sinful expectations tell God how to show up. Holy expectations come from God’s promises that He will show up.
[su_spacer]
Unholy expectations caused the religious leaders of Jesus’ day to miss Him as Messiah. He was such a disappointment to the religious that they crucified Him for not meeting their expectations. Whenever we (whenever I) interpret a promise of God through human understanding, it quickly becomes an unholy expectation. Unholy expectations lead to disappointment, which leads to offense, which ends in unbelief. Unholy expectations are not just unhealthy; they’re deadly.
[su_spacer]
Let’s take this from the conceptual to the real. Have you ever had an unrealized expectation? One that fell short and left you disappointed at best, heartbroken at worst? I have–hundreds. Let me share a few and the results.
[su_spacer]
I married a man who loved God and was called into ministry, both pure. We prayed together every day and served in ministry together. We weathered many storms–together. Yet, after 30 plus years of marriage, we found ourselves on the brink of divorce.
[su_spacer]
I prayed life scriptures over my kids, sacrificed to put them in Christian schools, did family devotions every night, served at church, went on the mission field, “trained up a child “… you know, everything “right.”
And still, one of my kids spent ten years battling addiction.
[su_spacer]
We tithed, worked hard, and submitted to authority, yet still had financial devastations. We trusted God, took risks of faith, and still wound up in disasters.
[su_spacer]
I “did” all the things to garner God’s rewards, protection, favor. I did the Ephesians 5 wife thing–mostly. The Proverbs 31 woman thing–kind of. And yet, I did not get what I expected. So, a shift took place. From those disappointments, I began to build my own doctrine upon broken conclusions.
[su_spacer]
These broken conclusions included:
a wrong conclusion about who God is and how He loves;
about who He’s good to and whom He shows up for;
about who He hears and whom He forgets and why.
[su_spacer]
Broken conclusions concerning who I am;
about proving my way into His heart;
about needing to be taught lessons;
about living in the consequences of my regret.
[su_spacer]
My unholy expectations reproduced at a rapid pace and hijacked
God’s identity as the promise maker, faithful Father, fulfiller of life, overcomer of the world, hearer of His children, relentless chaser of my heart.
[su_spacer]
As a result of becoming blind to who He is, I no longer remembered who I was–the delight of His heart, a chosen masterpiece, beloved daughter. I forgot I was the one He willingly died for so I could experience an abundance of joy, peace, and every good thing.
[su_spacer]
Unholy expectations had imprisoned me in a fortress of lousy theology, self-preservation, survival techniques, and searing disappointment.
[su_spacer]
Unholy expectations had caused me to see God through the enemy’s eyes. I believed the lie of the serpent that whispered, “God is a withholder of good to test me; a liar; untrustworthy; disconnected from His creation.” Oh, I didn’t dare say this out loud or even whisper it inside myself, but the lies were there, driving my soul to source myself and live by the motto, “IT IS WHAT IT IS.”
[su_spacer]
I honestly believed the lie that having no expectations would alleviate my chronic disappointment. Silly me! Instead, I was dying a slow death of unbelief.
[su_spacer]
But, gloriously, while I am prone to wander, God is prone to chase me down and invite me to life once again. God will never meet my expectations when I tell Him how to show up or demand He reveal His next move. God will meet my expectations when they rightly come from every word that proceeds from the Father’s mouth and when my hope is in the person of Jesus and not my circumstances.
[su_spacer]
Expectations are from the heart of God. He tells us in Hebrews 4:1 to embrace the fullness of the promise and not fail to experience it, to expect to enter God’s rest, His shalom, His wholeness.
[su_spacer]
Jesus tells us to expect trouble and sorrow in this world, BUT ALSO to expect joy that comes from knowing He has overcome the world (John 16:33). The Word of God makes it very clear what we can expect in this life–suffering, struggle, hardship, betrayal, persecution, fear, grief, and loss. But the Cross and empty grave stand as a new standard of expectation for our life in Him–grace, power, resurrection, love, joy, peace, rescue, healing, freedom.
[su_spacer]
“My motivation (expectation) is no longer by the flesh (unholy) pursuing what benefits me. But I now live by the impulses (expectations) of the Holy Spirit to pursue spiritual realities” Romans 8:5 TPT
[su_spacer]
OUR PRAYER:
[su_spacer]
“Heal our hearts, O Lord of unholy expectations. They have violated who You are. Reveal who You truly are, so our confident expectation is in You alone. May we now see what has been hidden of Your unchanging goodness. May we recognize the depth of Your love toward us. May our mourning be turned to joy and our disappointment to gladness.
[su_spacer]
May we now see how You are at work to turn all that the enemy has weaponized against us for our good and Your glory. May we see You with unveiled faces, as You are, not as others or circumstances have shown You to be. We repent for thinking anything about You that is not true. Remove the stain of our sin by the power of the revelation of the King of Heaven.
[su_spacer]
You alone are God. Forgive us for second-guessing Your purposes and not discerning the difference between the holy and unholy. May we never again live by the rumors of who You are, by unholy expectations. For now, we know You firsthand. Amen.”
[su_spacer]
Maureen Gray desires to help people walk in freedom and to hear the voice of God. With over thirty-five years of ministry experience, she is a certified freedom coach, emotional wholeness facilitator, and Bible study teacher. Along with her passion for prayer and discipleship, Maureen’s greatest joys are family dinners, writing in her journal, and the perfect pair of boots. She lives with her husband in Grapevine, Texas, and these days you will often find her on FaceTime with one of their six children or seven grandchildren.
