Toxic or Broken?
“…he is able to deal gently with the ignorant and misguided for he himself is beset with the same weaknesses.” (Hebrews 5:2)
Let’s be honest. As pastor’s wives, we are well acquainted with the ignorant and misguided. And, NO, I am not referring to our dear husbands! We can probably all
think of that woman who long ago replaced diligently seeking God’s will with following the whims of personal preference. Or what about that gentleman who can always be
counted on to wield a whack load of worldly wisdom at every business meeting? The Body of Christ should be the last place we encounter such unspiritual eyes and hardened hearts, but we know these struggles firsthand.
Today I want to encourage you sisters who faithfully serve in dry places, among people who have exchanged their faith walk for sight walking, in churches who have fallen far from being the hands and feet of Christ in their communities. It can be tempting to give up, thinking this is not what we envisioned when we answered the call to serve the Lord and His church. However, we have been called to our places of ministry for reasons that only God Himself knows the full extent of, and we have a crucial choice to make. We can either distance ourselves and sit in judgment of what we might label a “toxic” church OR we can choose to identify with and bring compassion and healing to a “broken” church. Do you see the power of a simple shift in our attitude and mindset when we encounter these battles?Hebrews 5:2 is a verse the Lord has used to challenge me on this subject. It is really just a little phrase inserted in this passage, referring to the work of earthly priests. Now I know our role and our husband’s role is not the same as the Old Testament priests, but I do think there are truths here we can apply to our role as modern day ministers of the
gospel.
First, we must be reminded that we ourselves are beset by the very same weaknesses that irritate us so much in others. We need to release those people and attitudes into God’s hands and focus on praising Him for the grace and mercy that He has shown to us in our sinfulness. This mindfulness will help us to be gentle and humble with those who just cannot seem to see with spiritual eyes. It will help us to be like the Jesus we serve.
Next, and perhaps this is obvious, but we must be reminded to “deal.” Deal gently, yes, but deal! We cannot just bury our heads in the sand or blindly go with the flow. This requires much courage and godly wisdom. We must pray for our husbands as they pick their battles. Not every issue is worth dying for, so to speak, so they need God’s direction as they gently attempt to spiritually turn the tide.
Oh, dear sisters, if today you are fretting over hardened hearts, selfish motives, and unspiritual eyes around you, release those people and attitudes into the hands of the
One who has called you and be free to rejoice in His grace and mercy, His all-knowing purposes for your life. Things rarely change according to our expectations and timetables, but we are simply called to let God have His way in our hearts. In His time and in His way, hearts will be changed! Praise Him for His grace in your own areas of weakness and deal gently with the ignorant and misguided ones you have been called to serve! Then patiently wait and watch for God to work the miracles only He can!
Praying for you, Erin
Post a comment below or go the forums for a safe place to express your experience of leading the toxic or broken.
Erin Evans is the wife of John Evans, Pastor of Community Baptist Church in Charlottetown, Prince Edward Island, Canada, where she has served as Worship Director for the past 8 years. They have been married for 14 years, and their growing family includes three beautiful daughters – Clara, Elizabeth, and Ella.
It is hard to not be annoyed by others shortcomings that are mirrored in ourselves.
When my son was running from the call to preach I told him the good times as a pastor and pastor’s wife far out weigh the bad. My husband has been a pastor for almost 33 years and my son for about 17 years some as a youth pastor and I still believe this.
Yes! Those times of having to “pick your battles” have become more and more frequent as our experience increases with years in the pastorate. I believe that God is calling us to hold more people accountable in His church. Our world simply does not do that anymore! Not the most pleasant place to find yourself, but God is faithful when we follow His lead!
Blessings to you!
Sara you are soooo right. I remember a time in ministry that was so difficult but in that particular time I dealt with some issues of sin in my own life that I would have never dealt if it had not been for the mirroring that caused me to look at myself. The conclusion that I drew from the experience was that God sometimes will allow hardship to bring about His purposes and for our good!
I am learning thru very difficult circumstances that my expectations of others especially those who wear His name are simply just that…..my expectations. I tend to expect people to want to love Him and please Him in all their words and actions. These expectations are not wrong but I am learning to strive for these in my own life…….God knows my heart and all it’s broken pieces and He has been and is so faithful to show Himself to me so I know how to live.
It is impossible to open the eyes of someone else’s heart. But there is such power in praying for God to do just that! We need to take our frustrations to God and leave them with Him. We might even be surprised at how He will soften our hearts toward that troublesome person or give us supernatural insight into certain situations. Prayer really is our lifeline, our sanity, our hope in times like that. Well, isn’t it always? I know I find that so hard to remember though and often fume or get myself tied up in knots first.
So true! I believe God gives us insight when we ask, and this allows us to understand troublesome people. With understanding comes wisdom to deal with these people.
Judy, Amen! So glad to hear your positive outlook. And don’t you find that as more time goes by even the “bad” times become “good” memories of God’s faithfulness and provision!
Thanks Erinheather……..prayer is our most powerful tool and allows us to focus on God and growing in Him which means seeing thru His eyes and living like Christ……showing His love in ALL circumstances…….
I am learning this very lesson myself. I have a few sisters that would like my position as the head of the woman’s ministry at my church. I have my favorite scripture from Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger”.God has had to talk to me this way so I have learned that I most do the same to my sisters. They are really my sister more than my natural sister because she was not saved. These are my Father’s kids and he is protective over each and every one of us. So when a broken or toxic sister or brother approaches me in a uncomfortable way I have to go back and remember I can either fix the hurt or become hurt.
Praying for you today, cyntrob!
Thanks for sharing cyntrob! I really like your last sentence “…I have to go back and remember I can either fix the hurt or become hurt.” and I just used Proverbs 15:1 this morning. It’s so much easier to just react instead of act out of God’s love. Thank you again for your reminder and for your transparency!