Rearing PK’s, Oh the Joy!
by: Leighann McCoy
Now that my beautiful “flesh and blood proof that God answers us when we pray” PKs are all grown, I remember begging God to open my womb and give them to me. Oh, how I pitched a fit with Him as only an entitled daughter of the King of Kings can pitch. That fit I threw lasted for three years and inaugurated a prayer ministry I’m still developing today. Only God knows what He’s growing in the fertile soil of our suffering.
But as I look back on those years of tears, I had NO WAY OF KNOWING the depth of tears that would fill many more years following the three beautiful answers to those prayers. God gave me exceedingly abundantly more than I could ask or imagine with my daughters, Mikel and Kaleigh, and my son, TJ. But along with them, He also invited me into some deep and dark places where, to be quite honest, it’s been quite messy! But I’ve nevertheless discovered some mighty fine treasures there.
Rearing PKs is NOT for the faint-hearted. Raising children is not for the faint-hearted, but PKs come with an entirely different set of challenges. Not only do our children grow up in the limelight of being the “children of the church,” but they also are privy to the good, the bad, and the ugly of ministry.
They soak in the Bible stories and Daddy’s messages (where they find themselves as illustrations). In good order, they respond to our invitations to choose Jesus for themselves, pray their prayers, and follow the Lord in baptism. But all along the way, between Sunday School and VBS, camps and mission trips, they hear criticism of their Dad and watch as you and your husband work hard to manage the hurt mean church people consistently deliver.
My daughter has a phrase for the women in the church. She calls them “church ladies” and declares that she will make a series of TikTok videos encouraging women NOT to be a “church lady!” You know what she’s talking about.
Even as I write this, my insides cringe at the memories of moments I wish I could shield my children from. I failed. I do, however, have a bit of advice for those of you who still have precious PKs at home.
Here goes:
- Make parenting your priority, and ensure your children know you are doing this.
Prioritizing parenting means saying “no” to ministry interruptions when you are able so that your PKs understand that you love them most and that they are your highest calling. Be sure to take the time to notice how your children feel when ministry gets complicated so that you can discuss their feelings with them. This also means having great vacations where you and your children can be ordinary people together.
2. Find a safe and sound-proof place to discuss ministry madness with your husband.
I didn’t do this, and I WISH I DID! Your children don’t have the maturity or the strength to manage the ugly parts of ministry. Do whatever you have to do to maintain excellent communication with your husband, discuss conflicts and feelings, and work through those things together. But save your children’s hearts and minds from having to process situations too complicated for them. You want the church to be a safe and happy place for them.
3. Laugh a little, for heaven’s sake!
Don’t take yourself, your calling, or your ministry too seriously. God is mindful you are merely dust, and He doesn’t expect perfection from you (or your kids). Show your children that you know you are simply dust too. A bit of laughter serves as an excellent shock absorber in ministry. If Tom and I didn’t have a sense of humor, we would have lost our minds. Let your children see that their parents know who to go to when the going gets tough. Then have enough fun to show them your dependence on God is so secure that it is well with your soul even in the midst of the mayhem. Lift your hands to heaven and depend on God to get you through.
Now, for those of you whose children are grown. If they have entered the ministry, or are thriving in their faith today, pat yourself on the back and PRAISE GOD you made it through! Thank Him for the gift of blessing your children with rich relationships with Him, with His Church, and with you. Seriously, enjoy this gift.
If your children are not walking with the LORD, take heart. God’s not done with them yet, and He has an uncanny way of drawing PKs back to Himself. Keep praying and believing, my friend–don’t dwell on the things of the past. Give those answered prayers to Jesus and watch and see what He will do.
God’s got this! And so do you.
