Please and Thank You…I Like to be in Control!

I am about to do some confessing to you,Sisters in  Christ. Here it is… I like to be in control. Now, in and of it self, that might not be so bad. The sin comes when I hinder others from doing what they are supposed to do when I take it upon myself to do everything in my sphere of control (and other people spheres too if I think I can help to make it better). When I “do it myself” I tend to overextend myself. I keep my sisters or brothers in Christ from using their God given gifts and abilities to benefit the body of Christ, and I also miss out on blessings. God taught me this lesson the hard way. Three years ago, I learned about the blessings of putting myself in the position of saying, “Please and Thank You.” This lesson I want to pass on to you.

In 2010, my husband, who among the many hats he wears likes to don his army beret as a chaplain, was deployed for a year to Iraq. Up to this point in my marriage I was a pastor’s wife, professor’s wife, and a part time military chaplain’s wife. The majority of my life I had spent serving others. In the roles mentioned above I rarely asked anyone for help and I could count on one had how many times I said, “No, I’m sorry I can’t.” (Actually, lets make that 1 finger.)

With Page being gone he could no longer pastor a church, nor was he in the everyday life of the seminary at which he taught. The part time military chaplain’s position turned, overnight, into a full time Army position: In the line of fire (because he went on missions with his guys)…without a gun (chaplains are not allowed to carry weapons).

My girls were 3 ½ and 2 years of age and this was my husband’s first deployment. My family and I do not live near our immediate families. Our nearest family lives about 6 hours away. The first month Page was gone I had my first taste of being not only out of control, but out of control in what felt like a tiny boat in the middle of an ocean with hurricane force winds howling all around me. However, Jesus was in my boat with me and He had a plan. It has been his plan since before time began. He told us about it in 1 Corinthians 12: 12 & 18-25 which reads:

(12) Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ.

(18) But in fact God has place the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, these parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.

The first opportunity for me to learn to say, “Yes, thank you” came when my sweet pastor’s wife came to me and volunteered to take my girls one day a week for me so that I could have some time to get my hair cut, go to the grocery store by myself, take a nap, or whatever I needed to do. I wanted to tell her, “No, I will be fine thanks,” but she refused to listen to me. She would not even let me pay her, which meant that I had to accept her kindness with no ability to repay her. Even as I write this paragraph, I am humbled once again that the Lord would use her to love on me in this way.

The second opportunity for me to learn came when a very sweet couple friend told me in no uncertain terms that they would be at my house to have dinner with me on a certain night every week that Page was gone. We alternated bringing the main dish, which allowed me to cook real food. The nights they were there offered me conversation with adults and a chance to remain connected to the outside world. I knew that the hurricane force winds were rocking my boat, but those nights the winds seemed to howl a little less and I seemed to feel a little less overwhelmed by it all. I knew their family time was limited and precious with both of them being seminary students and he a pastor at a small local church. But, they faithfully loved on me in this way the entire year. All I could say was, “Thank you!”

Then both my girls and I got a stomach virus. How does a “single” mom take care of 2 toddlers while having the “throw ups” (as my youngest calls stomach viruses) as she is barely able to pull herself out of the bed? She can’t. I had to ask for help. I could never have survived without the help of a sweet friend who put herself in harms way to take care of the babies and mother the mom at the same time. The sacrifice she made for me and my family that week meant more to me than I could ever tell her. Again, I could not repay the kindness given to me. All I could say was, “Thank you!”

I could tell you story after story of people who “walked on water” for me. Diane Nix’s sweet daughters kept my girls for me and refused to let me pay. Couples would take my girls for a night so that I could go to a movie with a friend. People brought me home cooked meals. I was teaching a class on my birthday and one of my students brought me the only birthday cake I had on that day. (You don’t realize how important your spouse is on these special days until he is not there.) Some times they would ask me if it was all right to bless me in these ways and the Lord taught me to say, “Please” on these occasions. Most of the time they just told me what they were going to do and the only response I could give was, “Thank you” which seemed very shallow in light of the sacrifices they were making.

God spoke to me during that year. He reminded me that we are ALL a part of the body of Christ. As I wrote earlier, when I try to “do it all” and don’t allow others to be the body part God created them to be, I am in sin. I am hindering my brothers and sisters and I am also missing out on feeling God’s love for me through these same family members. During this time of Thanksgiving, I am grateful for the Lord teaching me the importance of saying, “Please and Thank You.” Without the lesson I would have missed out on so many blessings.

Meet me in the devotionals or forums and let’s discuss the topic of “control” and learning how to let go and let God show us how to say “Please and thank you.”

Thankful not to be in control, 🙂
Dr. A