Parenting From the Glass House – Bobi Ann Allen
I love being a parent.
But it’s hard.
Somewhere between making dinner and changing diapers, God has given parents a divine assignment to nurture the spiritual development of our children. Those of us in ministry get the added responsibility and opportunity to do it from what we call a Glass House.
The task of parenting is overwhelming in and of itself—the weight of glass-house parenting even more so.
But it doesn’t have to be.
I want to offer you truth, encouragement, and application in a few short words, so buckle up. Here we go.
Truth: You have influence both inside and outside your home. Whether you choose to embrace that influence is up to you.
You are the mama. That can mean many things—chef, diaper changer, housekeeper, note signer, laundry woman, toilet bowl cleaner, toy picker-upper, tear/snot wipe–you get the idea.
When you became a mother, you became one of the two most spiritually influential people in your child’s life.
The influence of parents is the chief predictor of a child’s spiritual development (good or bad).
You can own that or not; it won’t change the reality.
Choosing to embrace your influence in your child’s life does not mean you control them or their behavior. You can try, but they will mess up, rebel, and embarrass you. And what you do with that is where the influence inside and outside your home shines.
Encouragement: There is no ONE perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. But every mother in relationship with Jesus carries the same power that raised Jesus from the dead inside of her—and that’s no small thing.
Application:
- Don’t parent your children in light of their parent’s ministry position.
In our home, we committed not to talk about the ministry position of either parent with our children until they were much older, and we couldn’t avoid it. It may sound crazy, but we didn’t even tell our youngest his dad was the pastor because to our child, he wasn’t pastor; he was dad. Someone at church told him, and we talked about what that meant, but we didn’t make it a thing. Our kids get enough pressure at church without the same stress at home.
Instead, we communicate values to our kids apart from our roles in ministry, but in light of our identity as Christ-followers. We ensure our kids never think we go to church because we work there, and we try never to correct behavior because someone at church would think negatively of us.
Don’t get me wrong. We go to church almost every time the doors are open, but we make sure we communicate OUR WHY is about our faith in Jesus, not about the position we hold there. We correct behavior not because of what others might think but because of what will honor God.
As a chief spiritual influence in your child’s life, you must find your identity as a follower of Jesus FIRST as it relates to parenting and communicating value to your kids. If you are afraid of being embarrassed or talked about, you probably haven’t been in ministry long enough because it’s unavoidable no matter what you do. But you are also probably looking for approval from someone besides God. Accept the reality (even if those around you don’t) that your kids are kids. They are sinners in need of a Savior. Their identity should be in Christ and Christ alone, not in the title of pastor’s kid.
They were born into a ministry family, but it doesn’t have to define who they are. Unknowing church members may say ridiculous things to your kids, like, “your dad’s the pastor; what do you think the answer is?”However, they are more influenced by the approach/response of the two most spiritually influential people in your home than people who say stupid things.
- Point out and enjoy the perks of being part of a ministry family.
It’s hard to be a ministry family, and I advocate for open communication about its realities. It is okay to share your frustrations (within reason) and let them express theirs.
But, always make sure to point out to kids the perks (and they are there).
I remember going to an empty church building when the weather was nasty and playing basketball in the church gym. As we played, we reminded our kids that not everyone had keys to the church and could play in the church gym. It was a small thing, but it was a perk.
Still, my youngest goes to the church office on Sunday mornings and snags a snack from the staff kitchen. Again, it’s not a big thing, just a perk that not every kid gets to enjoy, and we make sure he knows that.
Ministry and parenting are a challenging combination. But remember, God put your children in just the right family for how He wants to use them, and you get to be part of the story God is writing in their lives.
Bobi Ann Allen is a speaker, author, and the Women’s Minister at Willowbrook Church in Huntsville/Madison, Alabama alongside her pastor husband, Jared. They have two really cool kids, Kati Ann (15) and Kie (12). Bobi Ann is the author of 4 books including the Jesus, Our Joy Bible study and her newest book, Own Your Everyday Influence. You can read more from Bobi Ann at her website http://bobiann.com or connect with her on Facebook and Instagram.