It’s Not Personal
It’s Ministry!
Don’t take this so personal, she said. “This doesn’t have anything to do with our friendship. It’s just that our family doesn’t feel that we are getting everything that we need from the church(the same church where my husband was the Senior Pastor) and we believe that God is calling us to “so and so” church down the road.”(The same “so and so” church where everyone else is joining in town)
I sat before her and was stunned. I hadn’t seen this coming and to be honest; I was speechless. What did she mean, “Don’t take this so personal?!” If it was anything – IT WAS PERSONAL! I was trying to muster every bit of spiritual maturity, but my emotions were betraying me, and tears were welling up in my eyes. I sat before a woman who had partnered with me in women’s ministry for quite some time. We had prayed together and laughed together. We had ministered to others together. We had celebrated together. Interceded for others and well generally just done LIFE. Her family had supported us.
I thought we had supported her family, as well. We were invested in their lives! Now because of conflict within the church – they were leaving. Unbelievable! I was emotionally devastated. Emotions of betrayal, rejection, anger, loss, and grief were just the tip of the iceberg. “Just like that” I was questioning every aspect of our relationship. I felt as if I didn’t even know the person sitting before me, but most of all, I didn’t trust myself or my judgment. How did I let my defenses down and not see? Why did I let her past those boundaries? Was she indeed, my friend?
Ministry is one of the only jobs in the world where you and your husband invest so much of yourselves; it can be hard to define where the two of you stop, and the church begins. It involves us pouring out emotionally many times to the point of utter physical, mental, emotional, and exhaustion. Not to mention spiritual depletion and the need to guard your heart and set boundaries is often ignored. Even when there are healthy boundaries in place, a ministry wife can reach a place of becoming disillusioned, brokenhearted, disgusted, embittered, unforgiving, and resentful. In ministry, conflict IS personal. Conflict within the church can be brutal.
Through the years there are a few lessons this ministry wife has learned. I hold fast to them. In order to thrive – while living in the glass house – the ministry wife must:
- Know WHO has called you to the task. Every person has a calling. There is something about a ministry wife who surrenders her heart to the task of being a Ministry Wife. It will look different and sound different for every woman. Our God is like that. He treats each of us as individuals. Amazing! (I Thessalonians 1:11; Colossians 3:23-24)
- Be grounded in the Word or at the very least seeking and growing in personal Bible Study. (Psalm 119:11; Hebrews 4:12)
- Be in a DAILY prayer time. Meeting with Abba everyday! (Romans 8:15-16)
- Develop deep friendships with like-minded ministry women outside of your church even denomination (Broaden your sphere – the kingdom of God is not just one denomination!) (Proverbs 27:9, Proverbs 17:17; Hebrews 10:24-25)
- Understand and learn the need for healthy boundaries within relationships. Jesus took care of his own personal needs. (Matt 26:18, 20; Mark 1:16, 3:23, 4:38; Luke 7:36; John 10:40, 12:2)
- Accept the fact that conflict is a part of the ministry. Truth – conflict is a part of our lives – It’s not your job to fix it – through the leadership of the Holy Spirit, and the leadership of the church, resolution and reconciliation can happen. God Knows. He not unaware. He sees and knows. (Colossians 3:13-14; Exodus 14:14)
- Seek God’s truth in every situation. PRAY with your husband. PRAY for HIM and the other leaders of the church daily. (I Thessalonians 5:16-18; James 1:2)
- Remember that your primary job is to love Jesus and support your husband and take care of your family not only by praying but by creating a place of peace and refuge within your home. (Matthew 22:37-40)
For yours truly, many lessons came by way of the hard road. I didn’t have any examples of seasoned ministry wives to seek wisdom. I just had a job in front of me. Looming at times – INCREDIBLY WONDERFUL most of the time.
Seasoned ministry wives must invest in younger ministry wives coming behind us. The world they are entering is much different than ours, but there are still pearls of wisdom that could help them along the way.
Praying for you!
Diane is the director and founder of Contagious Joy 4 Him, a network of encouragement to ministry wives around the globe. They are offering “Free Refresh Retreats” and a safe place for ministry wives to share their hearts with other like-minded women. Thirty-five years ago, she married her husband, pastor/professor, Dr. Preston Nix. He is a professor of evangelism and evangelistic preaching at NOBTS. They have two biological daughters, two spiritual-grown daughters, two grands, and two son’s in-laws. Diane’s life bears the scars of addiction, abuse, loss, and dysfunction. She remembers being drawn to spiritual things. Searching for the One who could bring peace, she found her Savior, Jesus Christ! And soon after her salvation, she surrendered to ministry. She has never looked back!