I’m Sorry!
Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. Colossians 3:13-14
“I’m sorry!” Words are spoken in frustration not because the person wanted forgiveness but because she wanted the conflict quickly resolved. She desired to brush what was stirred up “under the rug” and move forward without any true accountability for words spoken, no remorse for actions taken, no true reconciliation or mending. The problem with not cleaning up what’s stirred up is that it’s still under the surface. Stirred up and lying in wait to trip us up through mistrust, unforgiveness, pride, harshness, gossip, slander, hard-heartedness, rebellion and selfishness. The result:
- Doubt
- Disunity
- Distrust
- Disharmony.
None of us is exempt from relational conflict. It’s part of life. If you have two people in a relationship, there is bound to be conflict at some level, sometimes. How you respond to each other and how you resolve the conflict is a key indicator of your Christian maturity and a witness to all who are watching.
Ministry years have taught me that not all conflict has to be a “hill to die on,” but all conflicts have to be resolved. Whether in my own heart or meeting with the one involved – I must walk through the process of resolution and reconciliation. I use the scripture for guidance and clarity especially when my flesh is fighting against the spirit of the Lord living within me.
- Remember all the Lord has forgiven you. My list is long.
- Allow grace and mercy to rule. Usually, there is no conspiracy theory. If you are in a church pastoral position, there could be conspiracy, but most times people are not out to get you – they’re just dealing with their junk and you have happened in the path of their “dealing.”
- Stop being easily offended. There is much to do in this life, and we never know when our days are completed. (Psalm 139:16) Stay focused on the most important and do not allow the enemy to rob you of the Lord’s plan for your life. Run your race – not everyone else’s. (Hebrews 12:1-2)
- Own it – If you have wronged another person don’t dance around the issue – OWN IT! Stop making excuses. We all make mistakes. When we make them, own them. First, own them before the Lord and seek His forgiveness and secondly, own them with the other person involved. Speak! “I’m Sorry!” isn’t good enough. Try words like, “Please forgive me for ____________.” “I’m truly sorry that I ________.” It will be difficult, and you will have to humble yourself but most times when you seek this kind of reconciliation God honors it. (Proverbs 16:18; 18:12)
- Deal with it – Do not let any bitterness, resentment, anger, unforgiveness, malice, wrath, dishonor, disunity, distrust remain. (Hebrews 12:15) Forgiveness is the key to your healing and reconciliation. (Matthew 6:12-14)
- Leave it alone – There are times that the conflict is taken out of your hands. While you can ask for forgiveness and try to reconcile, the other individual simply will not allow it. Leave them to the Lord. Pray for them and live out forgiveness before them. (Romans 12:18)
- Cover it up with LOVE and PRAY you’re in a spiritual battle.
Ministry families are certainly not immune from conflict. In the church what better way to destroy our witness in our community by stirring up conflict within our church walls? Shame on us! We are responsible to live under the mandate of the scripture, and while most times Scripture is contrary to our flesh, you and I must learn to walk in obedience to our Lord.How has conflict played in your life? Have you handled it well? Could have done better? Join me in the here and or in the safe place of the forum. Remember you will need to log in with your username and password to comment in our secure & safe forum. Thankful He plucked me out and called me His girl!
