by: Diane Nix
We had taken a break for a couple of days. Rest was what the doctor ordered, and we were doing just that and enjoying the colors of fall. Walking down a steep grade, I didn’t see the small rock and stepped squarely on it. My ankle turned. My body and bad back went one way, and my foot went the other. I felt something separate in my foot, and I felt the all too familiar searing pain racing up my back and down my leg. A scream escaped from my lips, and I couldn’t catch my breath. My first clear thought, “I don’t have time for this!”
There are times in ministry where you are rolling along and suddenly life changes. You might know that there are rumblings (part of a church) but it’s completely unexpected that you would be forced to resign or called before a group of men who then pull out a list of your failures (real or inflated), and suddenly you find yourself on a firing line.
What do you do when you have been forced to resign, and it wasn’t your plan? You had thought you heard from the Lord and surrendered to the call to a specific place and yet here you are with your family. In many instances, no warning. No salary. No insurance. No roof over your head. For what appears to be, no reason you are out and generally, if this has been a power move, and you are living on church property (in a parsonage) there is a mandate to vacate the property immediately or with a very short time frame.
A severance package might be offered contingent on you not speaking any negative concerning the church, men or the “power group” who have made the executive decision regarding your removal. Sometimes ministry families can be their own worst enemies, but there are times that the dismissal comes just because a few have the power.
This time will undoubtedly be one of the most difficult times in your families’ life. (This is an understatement!) Listed below are three initial steps for ministry wives.
What do you do?
Get on your knees! First thing! Emotions will be all over the place, and you must act not react. Fight not to let your emotions rule. (Easier said than done – But do it!) Your husband will likely be an emotional wreck. Get alone for a minute and ask the Lord to help you stand firm during this time. Ask Him to carry You. Cry out. Weep. Do what you need to do in your prayer closet.
Remember Psalm 46:10. “Be still and know that I am God…”(ESV)
Give your husband a hug! Hold him and then pray over him. Cry with him. Let him know that you are with him and that you know you are going get through this. Decide together what your next steps will be. Decide on what you will share with your children. Let him lead.
Gather Your children around you. Depending on their ages, let them know what’s happening. Let them know that you will be going to another church. Let them know that you will be moving soon. Be as honest as you can without losing control. Let them express their emotions and don’t try to correct it or minimize. Let them get it out. Protect them from the harshest statements made against their dad and your family. Pray together as a family. Permit anyone to pray or not to pray. (This advice is dependent on the ages of your children. Above all, ask the Lord what you’re to share with them and when.)
Make some family decisions and communicate as best as you can – the next steps that you and your husband have made.
Who do you call? You have heard it said that you need to build a “like” minded community around you. Someone that knows your heart and unconditionally loves you for who God has created you. An accountability circle of friends that speak life into you and who have permission to speak the hard things when needed. You MUST seek these people out. Develop these relationships. Reach out to those friends around you. Make time for them. Cultivate those relationships!
Call your family. (only if they will be supportive – no one needs an “I told you not to go into ministry!” conversation in the midst of crisis.) Call/Text a seminary professor or mentor. When you connect with them, CRY with them! Vent with them! Pray with them! Ask them for advice.
If you haven’t been in this situation, then you need to be that kind of friend. Step up. Do what you need to do without judgment. There will be a time for advice. Unless asked, don’t give offer any.
Where do you go physically and emotionally? Many of you have asked this question. Truthfully, there aren’t many places to go that don’t cost money and since you’ve just lost your paycheck – that might be a problem. We have compiled a list from a list, and hopefully, this will give you some ideas.
Click here!
Hopefully, you have a place to land, or you own your home to give you time to take the next steps. If not, take a deep breath and ask the Lord to guide in your next steps. Be bold. Ask for help.
In the coming days. Seek counseling for everyone. You might process your emotions with someone safe but don’t shun the idea that you might need professional counseling – someone who doesn’t know you to complete your healing.
AND Remember:
2 Timothy 4:17-18(ESV)
17 But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth.18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.
AND when you can join us at a
Refresh Retreat. We would love to encourage you and give you a place to rest with other like-minded women.
We would love to hear your thoughts. Post here or sign in and
post privately. If you need a listening ear – please contact me – I’m here. A safe place.
Loving and Praying for you!
 Diane Nix is the director and founder of Contagious Joy. She and her professor/pastor husband, Dr. Preston Nix, have served in ministry for 35 years August 2018. She speaks and teaches whenever the Lord gives her opportunity. Diane has two miracle birth girls – Rebekah 22 & Rachel 20. Two spiritual daughters – Kasia 37 married to Robby, who pastors in Beaumont, Texas & Courtney (35) who is finishing up a Ph.D. Kasia & Robby have two beautiful children Samuel(3) & Jailee (2). |
|
You can check out Contagiousjoy4him & Diane’s statement of faith here.
We Believe. You can check out Diane’s speaking topics here and her schedule
here. cj4h.org.
