Hope for the Pastor at a Dead End – Part 2

Confession, not Confrontation

It’s October and Pastor appreciation month, but the sad but true reality for many of our men is that they are weary in well-doing. Some have left their first love and now are wandering heavily burdened. What can we encourage our men to pursue when they want to throw in the towel of ministry. My friend, Erin, has written a 4-part series that I believe can help us along the journey. READ. DISCOVER. Gain insight and encourage yourself and perhaps your man to seek a safe space. I’m cheering you on and lifting you and your man before the throne!

If you missed the first post in this series, you can find it here. 

Today, we’re looking at the second thing that the heart of God holds for someone stuck in a story they are desperate to rewrite. Over the next few posts, I’d like to contrast each one with the lame yet paralyzing counterfeits that our spiritual enemy tries to hold up in their place.

Firstly, God’s will for His children is confession, not confrontation. Jesus is calling you to confide in someone. Lingering in a silo of silence and shame, waiting to be confronted, is not His will for you. When it comes to confession, most of us have no problem bringing our hidden failures and inner turmoil to God. But confiding in flesh and blood is altogether different, isn’t it?

God sees and knows all. Every holy and heinous moment of our lives has been, is, and will be lived in His sight. He is not shocked or shaken by our emotions, our thoughts, our actions. The secrets we carry are no secret to Him at all. Nothing we expose to Him actually “exposes” anything.

Not so with any other person on the planet. There is no one who knows us as intimately as God does.

Confiding in a fellow image-bearer requires vulnerability. And that is risky. That, my friend, is a step of faith. But it is such faith that leads to lasting freedom and transformation. Faith like this moves mountains.

The Devil will try to convince you that if you are honest about the shame you bear, you will lose all the love you’ve ever known. I can’t guarantee your honesty won’t send loved ones into a tailspin, but I can guarantee this — the Devil can’t be trusted! Don’t let him take a speck of truth and turn it into a blanket statement in its most extreme form. This healing journey will not be easy for you or your loved ones.

But the journey can’t begin until you step into the light. That’s where healing happens — in the light. That doesn’t mean it has to happen in the limelight. But it cannot happen in the dark. I suggest starting with your spouse and one other safe person.

If no one is springing to mind at the mention of a “safe person,” get on your knees and ask God to show you one. This is His will for you! You can be assured He is already orchestrating this important aspect of your healing.

So, why don’t people just confess? Why do so many wait to be confronted? Folks have a really hard time understanding this. If someone is wracked with guilt and shame, what could possibly motivate them to wait until they are compelled to come clean? Many mistakenly assume it must be because that person loves their secrets and has no desire to walk away from them. But that’s not always the case. Let me explain.

We’ve already looked at the fear of repercussions. But another real fear that holds people back is the fear of not being able to change. I mean, what if you confess but are unable to repent? Wouldn’t it just be better to stay quiet, not to disappoint anybody, and keep fighting this battle on your own?

A person is altered at such a fundamental level by sin and shame that they absolutely cannot imagine how they could ever change. If you’ve struggled in vain to overcome something over a long period of time without knowing lasting victory, inviting other people along on that rollercoaster ride sounds downright terrifying.

Even if you believe God can do miracles because you’ve seen Him do it for others, it’s another thing entirely to believe He can do it for you. 

Confessing without knowing how God will change you or change your situation is not just a step of faith. It is a giant leap of faith. But it is the very act of faith God is waiting for. Your mountain won’t move without it. This leap of faith is what will begin to make a way where, right now, you can’t see a way. I know you don’t know how God will change you. I know you don’t know how God will move this mountain. But I do know that God can be trusted with every fear and “what if” your enemy is screaming in your ear right now. The truth is, you will never know how God will do this until you let Him.

God will not give you the roadmap for your healing journey, with every pitstop clearly marked.

That’s not how this works. Take the first step by faith. Accept Jesus’ invitation to confess. Don’t wait to be confronted.

Click here for part three

Erin is the wife of a naval chaplain and mom of four who makes her home in the Halifax area of beautiful Nova Scotia, Canada. She serves as Lead Writer at Well Christian Woman and is host of the Unlikely Grace Scripture Meditation Podcast where she encourages listeners to embrace the presence of God in the pages of Scripture. In her free time, you’ll find her enjoying nature walks, studying Hebrew, reading really old books, and trying every new sourdough recipe she can find. She shares her passion for Jesus on the page, platform, podcast — any way she can, because she has seen Him turn the biggest messes into blessings as she has learned to follow Him one shaky step of faith at a time. Find her online at www.erinheatherevans.com