Four Fruits of Unholy Expectations
When my husband and I first began dating, I was often disappointed by his lack of romantic gestures. I had a high standard. I deserved to be treated as some royal, majestic daughter of the King—ha! Now don’t get me wrong, as daughters of the One True King, we inherit His riches and His power because of who He is, not because of who we are. We should hold ourselves in high regard and respect ourselves and others because we reflect who He is, but our purpose on this earth is not royal romance. God made us to proclaim His praises (1 Peter 2:9).
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Back to Reverend Not-So-Romantic. When I had finally mustered up the courage to address the role I meant to play and receive the affection I thought I deserved, Jason and I had an eye-opening conversation. He agreed he could try harder, but he made a statement that has stuck with me a decade or more later: “I am not some Disney Prince Charming here to rescue you and make all of your dreams come true.” Wow. No, he isn’t. I realized that my expectations of my husband were unrealistic and most certainly unholy.
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Unholy Expectations Always Lead to Disillusionment.
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Society conditions us as young women to expect our future partner to sweep us off our feet, carry us off to a castle, and live happily ever after. The problem is what happens after happily ever after? Many marriages, careers, and lives end up in shambles because we don’t root our expectations in God’s Word.
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Scripture says: “Therefore, as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, just as you were taught, overflowing with gratitude” (Col. 2:7). One of my favorites is John 15:5: “I am the vine; you are the branches. The one who remains in Me and I in him produces much fruit because you can do nothing without Me.”
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If we abide, remain, root ourselves in Jesus Christ, we will find our true value, and the world will not lead us to disillusionment.
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Unholy Expectations Lead to Disappointment.
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Everyone has experienced disappointment. Perhaps you didn’t get the job or raise you wanted. Then you discover ministry isn’t all roses. Your children go through a difficult time and your marriage struggles. Friends don’t show up when you need them. The people in your life demand much and produce little.
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People especially can be disappointing. I love what David says in Psalm 16 as he cries out to the Lord. He’s scared, alone, and disappointed in what’s going on, but he realizes that his safety, satisfaction, and “beautiful inheritance” comes from God alone. In verse 8, he says, “I keep the Lord in my mind always. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken.”
God never disappoints. When we set our expectations, remembering our purposes here on earth, we too won’t be disappointed.
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I’m guilty of the comparison game: “Her ministry is going so much smoother. She is Supermom. Her marriage is enviable. People flock to her–she has so many friends. Her career is impressive. Her house is so big, so lovely, so clean! Any of these sound familiar?
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The truth is —that’s not the truth.
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Comparison tricks us into what we think we should be, but we know we can’t ever be that. We will never be satisfied when we compare ourselves to others.
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Confession: I’ve always struggled with the perfect Proverbs 31 expectation on women. I mean, talk about expectations. She was the Superwoman of the Bible. Fortunately, I had a wise friend tell me one time, “She was not all of these things all of the time,” and that stuck with me. We must find our worth and reality in Christ alone.
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Scripture says: “But it is from Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became God-given wisdom for us—our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, so that, as it is written: The one who boasts must boast in the Lord” (1 Cor. 1:30-31).
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We all have some boasting to do, and it has nothing to do with what we think a “perfect life” looks like.
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Unholy Expectations Lead to Disaster.
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We set ourselves up for failure when our expectations are unholy. When we allow culture or other people to set our expectations, we will never be satisfied, and we will never find peace.
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Ladies, we must realign our expectations with God’s Word. Over and over in Scripture, His prophets, messengers, and apostles remind us that finding our worth, joy, or safety outside of His will and Word leads to disaster. Don’t we see that disaster everywhere today?
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Those who live outside of God’s will are always searching, desiring more.
The answer? Psalm 107:9 says, “For He has satisfied the thirsty and filled the hungry with good things.” Good things—I love that! He promises good things to us. Disillusionment, disappointment, dissatisfaction, disaster—these are not the good things daughters of the King will inherit.
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I’ll leave you with this: Focus on His Word, His truth, and His purpose for you, and you will find the contentment of your heart.
Angela Reed is a pastor’s wife, stay-at-home editor, and mom to two princess warriors. She and her family reside in Booneville, Mississippi.
Angela, thank you for your awesome remarks! Great advice for young women in our broken world. Continue to use your God given talent to encourage others. Thankful to have you as “MY” pastor’s wife—-many blessings!
Nelene
This is great! I love this! You are an inspiration. Love you friend!
Thank you for these words of wisdom ❤️