Fellowship with the One

I hope that by this fourth week of examining and discussing the emotion of loneliness that we have established that it is NOT a state of being, but rather loneliness is a state of mind. I can be alone and not feel lonely or I could be in a room full of people and yet feel completely alone.

Something interesting to me is the fact that fellowship is much the same way. I can be in a room full of people and have no fellowship or I could be completely alone and yet feel as though I am full of fellowship.

Why is it that this is true? Why is it that our circumstances sometimes seem to not make much of a difference in our states of emotion?

Well, for me, if I am honest with myself, you, and with God (always a good idea to be honest with Him) I realize that the majority of the times I feel lonely, my relationship with the Lord is a little off. I seem to not be in right fellowship with Him. Because my relationship with the Lord is off, my thinking is not as accurate as it should be.

For example, I begin to think thoughts about who I am and is consequently who God is that do not align with scripture. I begin to think “maybe I am not completely accepted by God just the way I am.” Due to the anxiety that this though produces I begin to think, “ I need to do more for God to make Him happier with me” (due to the lack of security in the relationship). But as I begin to do more to try to please God and to feel closer to Him I have a sinking thought that “my work could never really be good enough to make my relationship with God better. I will never feel closer to God.” (a lack of significance)

At this point, I am not only lonely, but now I am lonely AND frustrated that what I am doing is not working, tired from all the extra work, angry because I don’t like the lonely, hurt, frustrated, vulnerable feelings, and on top of all that I feel abandoned by God who I think, “maybe doesn’t love me as much as He could love me.”

When I look at my thinking objectively, I see the lies staring me in the face. I know in my head that scripture tells me I am completely accepted by God and I am his child (John 1:12). Not only that, but I am his friend (John 15:15), completely justified (Romans 5:7) and that I am one with Him and the Spirit (1 Cor 6:17). I do not have to do anything more or be anything better to be more acceptable to God. Scripture also says that I am secure in this relationship with Him. I am free from condemnation (Rom 8:1-2), assured that God is working for my good (Rom 8:28), established, anointed, and sealed by God (2 Cor 1:21-22), and hidden in Christ with God (Col 3:1-4). The work I do is also significant to God and to others because I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine (John 15:5) and I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit (John 15:16).

These truths have not changed between the last time I read these truths and the present. So what is my problem? My emotions are not lining up with God’s truth because deep down inside I have not truly believed those truths. It’s not that I don’t want to. I really do, but if I am honest, something… some circumstance…some message I received triggered my old hurts and my old way of thinking and all the doubts begin to rise to the surface of my heart and mind. Somewhere in the midst of crazy everyday circumstances, my thoughts shifted away from who God is and they began to focus on me and gradually on my hurts…past, present, and anxiously fearing the future ones.

I don’t know about you, but for me I find that my thoughts begin to move off of who God is when either my time with the Lord has fallen to my “get to it when I can” list, or I am rushing through “a time with Him” just to say I did it. I am not quite connecting with God. I’m hoping I’ve connected enough to make it to my next good quality time with Him. I go to church each week hoping that in the midst of the business of corralling my 3 children, singing on the worship team, trying to listen to the man preaching as my pastor rather than my husband (who I am a little frustrated with because he is obviously somehow to blame for at least a little of this lonely feelings I have) and hearing the hurts and fears of a church family member or two, I will feel the presence of God and some of my loneliness will be lifted.

None of that works, of course, because I am missing out on the personal fellowship with Him. God is a personal God. He wants to spend one on one quality time with each one of His sons and daughters. When we neglect that time and we hear or read God’s truths, the truths we know in our spirit fall flat on our soul because we haven’t taken the time to hear Him tell us those truths Himself. Therefore, our thinking gets off. Our soul, whose operation code is fear based, selfish, and lacking in maturity, takes back over and runs our lives based on the faulty beliefs of the flesh.

I can hear your comments in your head now, “So what? Now you are going to tell me that having a quiet time is going to solve all of my lonely feelings?” Well… yes and no.

God uses the rough patches in our lives to show us the ways in which our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors do not align with His truth. When the parts of our soul that do not agree with God begin to bubble up to the surface of our consciousness, we have one of two options: 1) do what is necessary to bring our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors into alignment with God’s truth; or 2) agree with the faulty thinking, emotions, and behaviors and continue living miserable.

I want to take a moment to make a point. When you are lonely (or substitute any other uncomfortable emotion in that spot) the emotion is not the problem. The problem is the beliefs and the thinking that bring about the emotion. The emotion (such as loneliness) is there to make you aware of the faulty beliefs and thinking.

So, what do we do??? Let’s make it practical…

1.  Identify the uncomfortable emotion you are experiencing (Ex. Loneliness)
2.  Ask yourself: “What is going on in my life to increase this feeling of loneliness? What are the circumstances?” (Ex. My schedule has been crazy. The kids are pushing my buttons in a number of ways making me question my capabilities as a parent. I haven’t been able to talk to my husband about my concerns. Actually…I haven’t seen my husband in about three weeks because we keep missing each other. And, my quiet time has been hit or miss over the past 4-6 weeks.)
3. What am I believing about myself due to these circumstances? (Ex. I am spinning my wheels. I am running myself ragged trying to be a good wife, good mom, and good Christian but it all seems in vain. My work and good efforts do not seem to be significantly impacting my marriage, my kids, my family, or my relationship with God. (I am not significant.) In fact, I am not even sure where God is right now. (I am insecure in my relationship with God.) He can’t be happy with me. (I am not accepted by God.)
4. Finish this sentence based on the beliefs written in #3:

Ex. If I AM believing that I am not significant, then I am NOT believing that I am His Child or that I am His friend completely justified and one with Christ and the Spirit.

5. Confess to the Lord the sin of believing the wrong belief (lie) that has caused the increase of uncomfortable emotions. Ask that the Lord move through your soul and clean out all the places this wrong belief has touched and that He would replace it with His truth.

6. Give the uncomfortable emotion (ex. Loneliness) over to the Lord.

There are a few other steps to this process that we will talk about at another time, but for now these steps should help. The reality is that you will probably not walk away from this time with the Lord with the loneliness (or other uncomfortable feeling) completely gone – – although you might. You will also not walk away with all of your circumstances fixed to your liking.

You will walk away with a choice to start fresh walking in truth with a new touch from the Lord. You will have a little more hope than you did before. Choosing to think on what is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, and of good report (Phil 4:8) is necessary. The enemy walks around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour. One of his favorite tools is getting us to believe our old pet lies. Reclaim the victory you have over him and his lies through your authority in Christ.

I would love the opportunity to talk with you about how you might apply these steps specifically to your life and situation. – I am waiting in the forum to discuss this topic further.

Or you can comment here!  Either way let’s chat.