Betrayal….I’m Dead Meat

I knew something was up. We had a saying, “There’s a disturbance in the force”.  This tongue in cheek statement  was made when there was no apparent reason for feelings of  uneasiness and yet those feelings were present.  You know –  the feeling that something was happening that you couldn’t quite put a finger on. For us, it signaled the need for increased, vigilant prayer.

He walked through the door and I saw the look on his face.  It was more stressed than usual.  He carried an envelope in his hand and as he handed it to me flatly stated, “The most spiritual comment I can make is, “I’m dead meat.”  “What’s going on,” I asked? He gave a tension filled explanation that his administrative assistant had resigned.  She had written a resignation which in reality was a lengthy tell all “letter” and submitted it to the former search team and him. We had been at our church for only one year.   In the “letter” she laid out details from her perspective.  I remember it was the first time I used the phrase…. “Perspective is reality.”

I was stunned as I read the letter.  I couldn’t wrap my head around what I was reading. There were many embellishments.  There were incidents that while they happened, did not happen as they were reported in the “letter”.  When I finished reading it – I looked up at my husband and asked, “What do we do now?” Without waiting for him to answer –  I turned and went into my bathroom and threw up.  It was the beginning of the some of the longest most horrific days of ministry.  In the following days, every hard, brutal attack that the enemy could launch against us happened.  My husband was physically assaulted.  Slander was rampant.  Lies and innuendos were outrageous and if the blogging world had been alive and well – I truly believe that we wouldn’t still be in ministry.  I don’t even know that both of us would have survived emotionally.  The assault was so complete that even I didn’t escape.  Betrayal was in our midst.  She was real. We could reach out and touch her and she in turn had gripped every aspect of our life.  Sleepless nights.  Secret meetings and a mass distribution of the “letter” led to days of scrutiny, distrust, and hurt. Deep hurt.  Anger, confusion, rejection, desperation and FEAR became everyday emotions.   There were stories told that were never verified or proven.  The contents of the “letter” were taken as facts from one who had been in her position for a very long time.  Deacon meetings and other committee meetings occurred.   It was brutal.

The day after we received  the “letter” I rose very early.  I went to the church at dawn. As the sun rose, I walked around the building 7 times. Crying out loud and praying I walked.  I asked the Lord to sustain us. When I finished walking there was peace but no promise that deliverance was coming.  I called my accountability group (other Pastor’s wives) and they listened, didn’t make judgments and interceded for months after.  I prayed more.  I stayed on my knees. I stayed in the Word.  It was hard.  It went on forever.  I have never really been the same.  Praise God!  I am NOT the same.  God taught me lessons during those days that now many years later I see even more clearly.

Lessons concerning betrayal:

•  Expect it.  If Jesus was betrayed you can be sure you will be too.  Look at Judas……
• Usually someone close to you will be the culprit. When betrayal comes it will come from within your ranks – Your close circle. It is usually someone you have confided, shared vision, or allowed in to your close circle of support.
• Person at source of the betrayal will have credibility and respect.
• Deception is involved.  The person is convinced they are on some type of mission, “We must protect our church.” “We can’t lose…..”  “God has spoken to ME….”
•  Attack will be personal & specific.  The enemy will know your weaknesses and your vulnerability.     
• You will doubt.  The betrayal will cause you to doubt everything that you thought you knew about your giftedness and your ability to serve God.  You will even doubt that you can hear from God.  You will doubt your calling to serve God in ministry.
• Do not listen to the lies.  As you are a victim of the assault DO NOT stay a victim.  Make a determination that you will not believe the lies spoken over you.  Seek the Father’s heart.  Ask Him to show you if there is any remnant of truth in any of the accusations.  Deal with the truth and reject the lie!  Seek counsel for healing either from a professional or from a peer but talk to someone with skin-on to help you journey through to healing.
• The Lord is not unaware.   This is hard to swallow but truth is truth.  There are times that our God will lift His protective hand. It’s lifted:
  • for His glory
  • for our good
  • for a good testimony – He trusts you
  • for others’ stories and salvation
  • for purification –  Because sometimes we will not learn any other way.  There will be a level of you dealing with your own flesh like no other
• Finally, Finish Well.  You must get up.  You must stand up.  You MUST determine to never give up! Move on.  This betrayal is meant for you to point others to the only ONE.  If you let Him the Lord will take you to the other side of betrayal and He will restore you.  He will redeem you.  As far as it be with you be at peace with all men. Romans 12:18.

So have your say.  Can you relate to the story of betrayal shared today?   I would love to read your comments in the forum or here.  Remember when you click on the forum if you are not signed in you will need to do so in order to post a comment.

 Nona Muss is a ministry wife with many years of serving with her Pastor husband.  Because her story is true and she does not want to hurt the church or it’s members she is writing without revealing her true identity.  She writes from a heart healed of painful experiences. Nona desires that ministry wives know God has not deserted them but loves them with an everlasting love.  She still loves being a Pastor’s wife and can’t imagine life without being in ministry!   Read more about us.