When You are Dishonored

My husband coined a phrase during a particularly tough time in ministry. “Words spoken in honor empowers the Holy Spirit to make you look better than you really are but words spoken in dishonor empowers the enemy to cause you to look worse than you really are.” We live in a world where, unfortunately, even in the church, dishonor flourishes.  I am reasonably sure that most ministry families have experienced seasons of dishonor.  Let’s contrast these two words, and then let’s choose which one you and I will walk out for the rest of our days. 

Honor involves: 

• stopping dishonor – don’t participate
• respect for others
• believing the best first
• a guarded tongue and silence in terms of one’s reputation
• protecting a reputation, even if what is spoken is true 
• loving unconditionally/continually
• being fiercely protective
• lifting one’s strengths up and downplaying their weaknesses
• empowerment of another
• much grace
• extending mercy
• walking counter to the flow of the culture you might be living
• not joining in with damaging slander or gossip
• seeking to walk in right relationship with Christ and then others
• selflessness – dying to your flesh
• ethical moral character 
• Your word as a guarantee
• verbally defending someone’s honor 
• lifting one before the Father as one to be highly favored and used for the Kingdom

Dishonor involves and/or results in: 

• shame
• guilt
• disrespect
• slanderous gossip or speaking the truth with the intent of justification of one’s position
• a lack of reputation
• disgrace
• betrayal
• rejection
• treating others in a degrading manner- with contempt
• shattered relationships
• evokes distrust
• selfish desires and fleshy agendas
• bringing one lower and lifting someone or something higher 
• tearing apart one’s reputation before others
• brings separation from the Father and Jesus

I can’t imagine that any of us has escaped dishonor.  Jesus did not escape dishonor either (John 8:49). I am ashamed to admit it, but I have been a part of dishonor.  The results are devastating for everyone.  In the Hebrew and Greek languages, the words we translate as ‘dishonor’ involve shame, contempt, being stripped bare or naked, disgrace, insults, slander, and even blasphemy.  I have to ask myself, should there be ANY DISHONOR among Christians?  Even if we disagree or struggle with what someone else has done to us, their theological position, or preference of music, or how they feel about whatever!  Shame on us if we cannot agree to disagree!  I am not referring to a disagreement that contradicts scripture.  But even if we think the theological viewpoint we adhere to is the most accurate, how should we respond as believers to other believers with whom we might disagree? We need to answer the aforementioned question honestly.

Honestly, most of the time, there is dishonor because we want what we want, regardless of what God wants.  Most dishonoring happens when our own agendas are not met or we feel like we are losing control.  Chiefly, dishonor will come when we have been wronged. It becomes our defense. It is a reaction to the feeling of being wounded.  

Pride is often at the center of dishonor.  Proverbs says, “When pride comes, then comes dishonor, but with the humble is wisdom.” (11:6)  We can get angry when we’ve been wronged.  Fleshly anger never honors God.  We must remember that there is a fine line between righteous anger and sinful anger.  “A fool’s anger is known at once, but a prudent man conceals dishonor.” (12:16)  Lord, have mercy!  The world is watching.  Dishonor should never be a part of a Christian’s life.  

There is a cure for someone who is involved in dishonor:

• Confess it!  Say I was wrong, Father, what do YOU want me to do?  
• Do what God tells you to do.
• Seek forgiveness from God
• Seek forgiveness/reconciliation with the other person if you can – this may not be up to you
• Stop dishonoring the other person. JUST STOP
• Speak honor over one that is being dishonored – bring it back around – sometimes it just gets out of control
• Don’t judge – you’ve been there and got the t-shirt
• Spend much time in prayer and praise
• Ask God to set a guard over your mouth 

The last point is paramount to the cure for dishonor:  ‘Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3) The word picture is one of asking the Lord to place a small angel on top of your lips.   I am not suggesting that you never talk about what is going on in your life.  There will be few people to trust, and you will need to be very wise in choosing a safe friend or accountability group. Be careful.  Information is power.  Most of us don’t always know how to handle the information given.

First and foremost, you should always seek God!  He’s your safest place.  Secondly, when God releases you, you can speak to a friend or a small circle of accountability.  

I wish I had never slipped into a posture of dishonoring anyone.  Alas, I can’t say that.  True Confession.  I don’t believe I am alone, and I am grateful that I have a forgiving Father.  Now, I know that some of you have been so dishonored that it’s hard for you to read this.  

In fact, we are in excellent company, for if they dishonored Jesus, YOU WILL BE TOO.  Do not be dismayed or distressed.  You can handle this.  Keep your eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of your faith. 

Lord, I confess there have been times in my life when I have dishonored someone. Please forgive me. Make me aware of those times and impress upon me the instances when I need to uphold honor instead of dishonor. The real pain for me is that my husband and I have been sorely dishonored, and I need help to forgive. By faith and obedience, I forgive the person who has dishonored us in ministry life. Heal my heart, Father, and empower us to walk in the place you have called with honor and courage. In Jesus’ name, bind up the enemy from causing dishonor to come. We will trust You, our Lord! In Jesus’ name, amen!