Hope for the Pastor at a Dead End – Part 1

*trigger warning* this post touches on the topic of suicide

It’s October, and as many of you know, it’s Pastor Appreciation Month. While this time is meant to honor and uplift our spiritual leaders, it’s also a sobering reminder that pastors are often weary—some even weary in their well-doing. Yesterday, I came across a heartbreaking post that touched on the tragic reality of pastoral burnout and suicide, a devastating loss that one church is now grieving. The weight of this news lingered with me all day as I reflected on the immense pressures pastors face in silence.

If this resonates with you or someone you know, please keep reading. This article calls for awareness, empathy, and support—especially when hope seems dim. There’s help available, and together, we can remind those feeling isolated that they are not alone. Please read the following article written by a close friend of mine and hear her story as it touches your life. 

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Yesterday morning, the first thing I saw when I opened my phone was a post asking for poetry suggestions dealing with the topic of suicide. As I scanned this mom’s post, I noticed that her church and Family were dealing with the death of their lead pastor, who recently ended his own life. As I read her words, I could feel my stomach drop under the weight of darkness. I tiptoed out of the bedroom, bending over my still-sleeping husband to kiss his cheek.

I didn’t comment. Poetry was the furthest thing from my thoughts. I had no suggestions for her. I did read a few of the other responses, though. Many expressed sympathy, and some even shared grief over a pastoral staff member at their own church who had died by suicide.

It is heartbreaking. It is alarming.

But I can’t say that it is all that surprising to me. As someone who lived out the realities of full-time church ministry alongside my husband for more than two decades, I am no stranger to the problems and pressures that ministers and ministry couples face. I am writing this today, hoping that maybe someone else, even one desperate person, will be helped by these words.

If you can relate to any of the following, please keep reading!

If none of these points find an answering echo in your spirit, then maybe this post isn’t for you in this season, in which case, feel free to close this tab for now.

• Pastors are often a target for spiritual warfare they have not been well-equipped to deal with.
• Pastors can be isolated by secrets they have no safe place to share.
• Pastors can feel trapped in the only career for which they are qualified.

If these statements resonate with you, you are not alone…but I’m guessing you are sure you are. You also probably feel solely responsible for maintaining the spiritual fervor of your congregation, yet your own zeal is waning. In fact, it may have expired a long time ago. But you have soldiered on because you’ve had no other choice. There isn’t any alternative. Bible college or seminary didn’t equip you to do any other job that pays enough to support your now-established Family. At this stage of life, starting over with your career when your own teenagers are preparing to launch into theirs soon feels impossible.

So you are limping along, hiding your discouragement as best you can, blaming yourself for whatever is lacking in your faith community. And you are sure that you are different from the leader these people believe you to be. This burden of burnout has sent you in some questionable directions. Seeking to flee the sense of failure, to escape reality, to numb the pain, it didn’t take long for these horrible choices to become compulsive and destructive ways of coping. Now, you carry a heavy load of guilt and shame along with the growing weight of unspoken secrets.

How did you end up here?

You, who began to be convinced that God had a wonderful plan for your life? You, who should have known better? You, who can’t even plead ignorance? You, who have been tasked with arming the people of God against the darkness, how did you end up in this dark place with no escape in sight?

Indeed, you were taught that there is a spiritual enemy. But perhaps you’ve been told so often that he is a defeated foe that you cannot make any sense of how he has you feeling so defeated.

Let’s back up a bit. This didn’t happen overnight.

Defeat starts subtly, often with a few other “D” words…

• Disappointment
• Doubt
• Distrust
• Distance

Disappointment with God shifts something in our spirits, creating a crack of doubt. At first, this doubt raises its ugly head, and we smash it back down like a game of whack-a-mole. But eventually, when we can’t keep up, doubt becomes our default.

The accumulation of disappointment and doubt inevitably leads to distance in any relationship, which is no different as we relate to God. Hardening our hearts to protect them from further disappointment only blinds and deafens us to the presence of God. He is still there, but we lose our ability to perceive Him. All we can sense is a growing distance. And God, if He is anywhere at all, seems very far away. We can exist in this incongruous state for years, oblivious to the dangers that lie ahead.

But the compound effect of disappointment, doubt, and distance isn’t pretty. Left unchecked, it becomes a toxic combination, one that can even lead to a double life and devastating disobedience.

Friend, if you find yourself stuck in a story that is in any way similar to this, I’m pretty confident you don’t want to keep living it. I know you are desperate for a way out. You have probably looked at this from every angle and can’t see one. But whatever you do, don’t give up. 

Keep looking.

Because there is a way.

The Devil will try to convince you that his way is the only way. But his is not a “way” at all. It is a literal dead end. Jesus provides the only way. Jesus is the only way! Now, stick with me here. I’m not trying to give you some pat Sunday School answer. In this series, I want to examine three lies that could be obscuring the way for you right now. Contrasting these lies with the truth will efficiently impact your next move and will point you in the right direction.

For now, I leave you with the words I longed to hear when I was stuck in a story I didn’t know how to rewrite:

There is Hope!

Remember that. I’m not asking you to be able to imagine it or visualize it. I’m not asking you to manufacture it. For now, I am simply asking you to remember it. 

THERE IS HOPE! 

My husband and I are living proof that these are not just empty words. God’s grace turned our mess into the heartiest “amen” of our lives. That’s how I know He can do it for you.

THERE IS HOPE! Write those words somewhere you will keep sight of them. Tuck them deep inside your hurting heart. This hopeless place you’ve landed is not where your story ends. It’s where a new and beautiful one begins.

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Struggling with Mental Health? Help is Available:

If you or someone you know is dealing with mental health challenges, there are resources that can help:

• Suicide Lifeline: Dial 988 for immediate assistance.
• Free Pastoral Care Consultation: Offered by Focus on the Family and supported by the North American Mission Board and GuideStone. Call 1-844-727-8671.
• GuideStone Medical Plan: Includes mental health benefits. Call 1-844-INS-GUIDE (1-844-467-4843).

You can also explore additional mental health resources through the following networks:

• Focus on the Family’s Christian Counselors Network (www.focusonthefamily.com)
• Association of Certified Biblical Counselors (BiblicalCounseling.com)
• Christian Association for Psychological Studies (CAPS)
• Global Counseling Network (GlobalCounselingNetwork.com)

Erin is the wife of a naval chaplain and mom of four who makes her home in the Halifax area of beautiful Nova Scotia, Canada. She serves as Lead Writer at Well Christian Woman and is host of the Unlikely Grace Scripture Meditation Podcast where she encourages listeners to embrace the presence of God in the pages of Scripture. In her free time, you’ll find her enjoying nature walks, studying Hebrew, reading really old books, and trying every new sourdough recipe she can find. She shares her passion for Jesus on the page, platform, podcast — any way she can, because she has seen Him turn the biggest messes into blessings as she has learned to follow Him one shaky step of faith at a time. Find her online at www.erinheatherevans.com