Take Care of Yourself

The office of pastor’s wife comes with a list of expectations. We’ve all read articles on the internet or books about how to meet those expectations. But what if you CAN’T respond to those expectations? What if a severe illness sidelines you?  What if it becomes humanly impossible for you to serve?

In the past few years, my ability to serve has become limited. Between my son Evan having Down’s Syndrome and various health issues of my own, that I would miss some Sundays was understandable. But, nothing prepared me for what happened this one Christmas.

After playing in a piano concert on the first Sunday of Advent, I noticed I wasn’t feeling well and hadn’t been for most of the week. I couldn’t figure it out. I wasn’t congested, my ears weren’t hurting, nor was I coughing. I was sweaty and achy. I had a constant headache, and I did not feel normal. After about five days, I started running a fever. I prepared my husband Stewart for the worst (what to do in case I had the flu), yet I woke the next morning, a Sunday, feeling decent. No fever, just extremely tired and a little achy. So, on to church, I went. After all, it was Christmas, and I was to play the piano special again, so there was no choice about what I was going to do. I was going to church.

This cycle repeated itself all the next week – pain, fever, nausea, lethargy. The kids had to be shuttled and fed. I still had to prepare for a party at our house. I had Christmas presents yet to buy. Stewart, as always, was my hero and did tasks I did not have the strength to do. He would come home after a long day at work to a sink full of dishes, half-done laundry, kids who needed bathing–and he did it all. He is such a gift.

I went to event after event feeling horrible. If I managed to get myself and two children dressed, by the time I arrived, I was worn out, but there. But I came to the point I could not do one more thing. I dropped out of choir and praise team and only attended significant events.

After multiple doctor’s visits and sticks in my arm, my doctor determined I had a virus in the same family as mononucleosis. There is no medicine for it. I just had to rest and wait it out. Rest? What is that? I’m a wife and a mom. I’m a pastor’s wife, for goodness sakes! I must attend stuff–right?

Wrong. I finally understood I had to make a full stop. And it took the Lord giving me a rare virus to make me realize this. A friend recently posted a meme which said we either take time and rest on your own or God will make you rest. I now know that to be true! Even the Almighty, All-Powerful, Word Become Flesh had to rest (Mark 6:31).

The virus was no joke. Even months later, I still hit a wall from time to time and must take a day to rest. An infectious disease doctor warned me the lethargy might stick around for some months.

Sometimes we must let go of other’s expectations so we may do what God expects of us–to rest in His presence so we can learn from Him. That is so hard to do when people around us expect us to leap tall buildings in a single bound! But we must rest if God ordains it.

For me, my illness was a time of refocusing and evaluation. There has been growth in my life that wouldn’t have come otherwise. My priorities are back in order. Yes, the expectations of others can be a considerable burden to bear, but ultimately, if you are not able to meet them, then you have not to meet them – only God’s expectations matter. Make it your goal to please Him first; then the rest will fall into place!

Rebecca Holloway is a pastor’s wife and mother of two boys; Zachary and Evan.  When not busy with her boys, Rebecca ministers through the College and the Music Ministries of First Baptist Church Pineville, LA. Weekly, she shares her life experiences and lessons through “The One Minute Blog.” Rebecca holds a Bachelor in Music from Louisiana College and two Masters Degrees in Christian Education and Marriage and Family Counseling from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

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