We connect ministry wives around the globe for the purpose of prayer, encouragement, awareness, accountability, bible study and friendship.

Satan Hates Us!

I think in fairly simple terms, such as—in God’s world there are only two families, and two spirits. There is the Holy Spirit, and the unholy spirit. The unholy spirit is of Satan, the ruler of this world, and his job is rob, kill and destroy you. Therefore, you will face opposition, and disappointments. This usually comes when you least expect it, and from people you never dreamed would hurt you. Yes, our enemy Satan is still engaged in his primary work, “to rob, kill, and to destroy.” It is so easy to acknowledge opposition and think it only comes from those people! Or, maybe you blame circumstances or lack of money, or the changes all around you for the difficulty you face. However, have you looked a bit deeper to understand where the attack springs from and why?  If you become discouraged, you will back away from your ministry for a day or so....

First Time Lessons

  When you are a new pastor’s wife most everything is a first occasion. If your husband is a pastor, then you have a new pastor too! I hope you love the messages God gives your pastor/husband.  One student wife confided to me, “I just hate how my husband tries to preach.” Now that would be a terrible problem! If this is you, pray earnestly that God will teach and groom your husband into the man and speaker He approves. Below is a list of lessons I learned, listed in random order:

  • Never analyze my husband’s sermons on Sunday night. Save all comments until some other time. The best advice is just pray for him!
  • I never knew preaching would physically tire him so much. After church is over on Sundays, he is pretty spent.
  • Mondays might be a down day. After expending spiritual and emotional energies on Sunday, guys need to recharge on Mondays.
  • It is impossible to...

God’s People

I believe church congregations who work with first-time pastors must be a really special bunch of folks!  I believe God must have a special love for those congregations. There was so much my husband and I did not know as we began with that first place of service; we didn’t even know questions to ask. The people there sought to love us from the very beginning of our relationship. They delighted in gifting us, and in feeding us. It amazes me to remember how special it was when my pastor visited our home when I was a child.  Our family felt special just because he and his family ate Sunday lunch with us. Everything they did seemed extraordinary to me, and so very “godly”.  Even more amazing is the thought that people could feel that same way about my husband and our family! I hope you engage more intentionally than I did...

That First Place

Day 10 Welcome to your first ministry opportunity!  You must be excited, thrilled, and eager to engage in real ministry! How is this first place of service different from where you were? Is the state or town different? Is the church rural, metropolitan, or suburban? Are the church members like the people you were accustomed to: old, young, wealthy, poor, blue-collar? There are so many variables. My husband’s first pastorate was in a very rural location 65 miles from our campus housing, and even that small town was a change, as we had only recently arrived from one of the nation’s largest cities. Almost everything was different for us: regional language, culture, church culture/expectations, church music, dress…  I imagine you could make your own list of things that are different.  Today, I suggest finding someone to help you; ask about the local culture. Ask more questions, because congregations still seem to think their leaders somehow know all...

Living God’s Way

Have you found yourself in a bind, and wondering, just how do we live like this? (This, of course, will vary family to family.)  What are the demands you face? What choices do you face just now? One common dilemma to many new in ministry is that of being under-employed. I chose to be the helpmate to my husband, not only in our marriage, and in our ministry.  My employment was a source of additional income, not a continuum toward my career.  Of course, I realize this is a personal choice, but I must tell you it contributed to peace in our family, and availability in ministry. I was one of those wives that helped her husband through school by any means necessary, and am grateful for times when I did not have to work outside the home. Ministry was certainly enough to keep us both busy. I would not go back...

New Friends—or Not

Day 8

I had this weird and wonderful concept that people in ministry would eagerly befriend one another! In the early student days, people seemed more willing to be friends, but once pastors and their families lived nearer their respective churches, friendships with others in ministry seldom occurs. When we moved to a new state, and into the parsonage, I felt sure that other ministers and their wives would rally to welcome us. Was I wrong! Not only did that not happen, but when I lamented about it, a professor friend said, “My dear, are you just now discovering this?” It was as if he voiced an unspoken rule of the game and seemed to think I was naive to have expected different. With no one to explain such things to me, I had to blunder along myself. I still think ministers and their wives should be friends, but I also acknowledge that rarely...

Is This IT?

Day 7:

Ministry! So excited! We began this journey called ministry! Okay. Now what? Life seems somewhat normal again. Routine things still happen. Things are much as they were before. We relocated for hubby to attend school, and now we must find a new church family. People in this new congregation see us as students, which seems to translate into temporary, different from them, not really part of the congregation. Back home, our friends had a high regard for us, knowing what God did. Now we are lumped into the group called “preacher-boy families.” Like others new on campus, we seek a church home. We try to find our way around a new town, new grocery stores, and not really knowing anyone!  The excitement is over, and now what? Wow, when the spiritual high goes away, the let-down crashes in! Now I realize this is the typical pattern: if there were no low...

How Do We Get There?

Day 6:

 

The how question is not about strength or ability, or moving companies etc., but is about the finances.  The there destination is not about a place but represents a woman’s sense of financial security.  “Just trust God, He will provide,” people say.  Such trite phrases flow easily when we say it to others, when it does not apply personally. When one is new in ministry, there are many categories of questions, and few places to get answers. (It’s not that others won’t tell you the truth, you just feel sort of stupid asking such questions in the first place!)
Maybe similar questions swirl around in your mind, like these: How can we afford this big lifestyle change? I haven’t worked in a while, and now he wants to go to school? He used to work full-time, and now it will be part-time at best! How long will it take a...

Where Do We Go First?

Day 5 After we identify God’s call and claim on our life, the next question is, “where do we go from here?”  Almost no one spends time and money preparing for ministry before clarifying a call. I mean, who goes to seminary or engages in ministerial training for no reason? When young men or newly married couples face this question, it may be simple. Perhaps you’ve completed college or are still in college, yet understand ministry as the direction for your life. Others however might have been married for a few years, or many years. Some acknowledge God’s call a bit later in life. What does such a man do? How does this affect his wife and family? God uses a calling to ministry as an impetus to get us moving. A place to train is very important. A ship in dry dock is impossible to guide, but cast it into the open water and it becomes...

What Will This Cost?

Day 4 When we are new in ministry, we have little insight into the costs. Jesus cautions us to count the cost, but we have little wherewithal to do that. How can we understand disappointment we have never faced? How can we understand the cost of living far away from Mom? How can we understand the challenges of working alongside people who don’t share our understandings? You may face costs in relationships. Years ago, Joyce Landorf  Heatherly wrote a book called Irregular People and it’s always been one of my favorites. Joyce recommended we not pay full price, emotionally, for people who are “irregulars”. Think of stores today like Big Lots, or places where you can save a lot of money on irregulars. When we shop there we hunt for bargains, knowing there may be scratches, dents, or flaws. People we meet have scars and wounds that cause them to act in irregular ways. Trust your...