We connect ministry wives around the globe for the purpose of prayer, encouragement, awareness, accountability, bible study and friendship.

I’m Not Cut Out for This!

By:  Jodi Aiken

“Now that my husband is a Pastor do I need to lengthen my skirts?” This question was one of many I had as we entered the ministry. I felt so inadequate to be the wife of a Pastor. I viewed Pastor’s wives as having it all together, well versed in the Word, and strong. I was none of those things. As questions, concerns, and fears consumed my mind, I felt defeat was no longer knocking at my door but in the house.

In my desperate state, I called out to a friend that happened to be a youth Pastor’s wife. I secretly hoped that she could give me a list of dos and don’ts and shape me into what I needed to become.

As we sat across the table from one another at a local restaurant, I began blurting out all my jumbled-up thoughts and questions.

They went something like this:

I never dreamed in a million years that someone like me would be a Pastor’s wife.

I don’t know what I am doing.

Do I need to act differently?

What do I need to change about myself?

What if I don’t meet people’s expectations?

I don’t sing or play the piano like other Pastor’s wives. What do I have to offer?

I don’t know the Bible, as well as others. Will people judge me for that?

Is it okay for me to continue to wear the skirts I currently wear?

As I finally took a deep breath, she giggled and gently chimed in with sincerity of heart. Looking me in the eyes with deep compassion and understanding, she poured a truth over me that changed everything.

She said, “Jodi if God has not convicted you about the length of your skirts then keep wearing them. He will let you know if you need to wear a different wardrobe. He also made you who you are. Don’t ever become something you are not. Always stay true to yourself. You will not meet people’s expectations, but that is on them. Never compromise who God has made you to be. Let Him change, shape and mold you – not people.”

I sat there stunned!

You mean I need to just be who I am and let God grow me and shape me?

You mean I just need to stay true to myself?


That conversation took place over 15 years ago, and I live by those truths still today.

Over time, God has helped me recognize when I cross the lines of meeting other’s expectations rather than His.

He has grown me in the knowledge of His Word through personal study and time alone with Him.

He has convicted me of my wardrobe, and to this day I ask God to join me in my closet as I choose my outfit. (I want to honor Him in ALL I do.)

It is Romans 12:1-2 that has convicted me to not only stay true to myself but to conform to the image of Christ on the inside and outside.

Therefore, I urge you, brethren, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.

If you are struggling with the weight of conforming to an image others have set for you, allow me to offer two words of advice, “Stop it!” I say that with great compassion and sincerity of heart.

Be sure you have your heart and mind set on God and not on man. Allow God to shape, mold, and dress you. He who began a work in you will complete it as you continually abide in Him. (Philippians 1:6 and John 15:5)

Allow yourself time and experience to become the woman God has designed you to be.

Rest in knowing that God will equip you for the call, and He will be with you every step of the way.

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Other articles by Jodi:  Following Jesus Takes Grit!

Jodi Aiken is the mom to two boys, a frequent blogger, and speaker for conferences focused on making disciples among women. She is passionate about sharing her stories and teaching others to know Him and make Him known. She has dedicated over 15 years to leading women’s ministry. Jodi holds an Associates of Science in Business Administration from Pensacola State College, works as a Realtor in the Florida panhandle, and is married to Chris Aiken, a senior pastor in Pensacola and her husband of 28 years.

You can check out Contagiousjoy4him & our statement of faith here. We Believe.   You can check our Founder and Directors’s speaking schedule here.  Find out more about Diane and our writing team.

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